Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, bisexual fetishist. |
I am a 23 year old woman. I have been masturbating since i was about 10 and having orgasms since about this age too, it always used to be manual stimulation on my clit until the age of about 18 when i started experimenting with vibrators. Now for the last few years every time i want to masturbate i always watch porn and use my Hitachi, i feel like if i didn’t watch porn i just couldn’t get there.
I also don’t believe i could reach orgasm without a powerful vibrator either or at least it would take a long time. Should i be trying to cum without the porn and vibrator? To get back in touch with myself. I pretty much always cum through partner sex given it lasts longer then 5mins without the need of a vibrator or porn so my masturbation habits aren’t effecting that. Your insight into this would be very much appreciated.
Thank you in advance.
Dear K,
Yes, I would advise you to dump the porn and just focus on a hot story in your mind while you masturbate. Try using a less stronger vibe like the Mystic Wand on the low setting. When and if you use the Hitachi, put something between you and the vibe to soften the stimulation. I was in my 30's when I first discovered the vibrator and began teaching women how to use them.
At the time I didn't envision vibrators going mainstream with every young girl owning one. Today, I don't believe it's all that harmful but I would prefer young women begin their first masturbation using their hands. The good news is that at 23 you are orgasmic with partnersex when it lasts longer than 5 minutes.
Dr. Betty
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must have porn
At my age, ( and I don't know if that has anything to do with it), I have lost the ability to have sexual fantasies. I used to be able to conjure up some pretty juicy ones, or the memories of lovers of the past, but it's all gone now.
This all started when I got into my fifties, and has gotten progressively worse. If worse is the right way to describe it........
In order to even get an erection, I have to watch porn flix. The downside of that though, is systematic desensitization. Having watched porn for years, there isn't much that I haven't seen and it has largely become pretty hum-drum. There isn't much that does it for me anymore.
Tim in Idaho,
Living with chronic Penis Flaccidus NonFucktus
Tim try using your wife's vibrator.
The additional stimulation just might do it for you. Also have you considered adding anal stimulation? That's another winner for most guys. No! It doesn't mean you're turning "gay" if that is a concern. Also the Eneros and the Fleshlight are two toys for men that are winners.
Tim, It seems to me the
Tim,
It seems to me the problem isn't physical. The kind of lack of fantasies you describe could be a sign of depression. It might be that you've gone on to just focus on physical symptoms and desensitized yourself as well as possibly not dealing with the underlying emotional issues (and probably created new ones). Perhaps it would do you good to work with a psychologist and find out what lies beneath, and get in touch with your life force again. Also, an unhealthy lifestyle will kill your libido and general spark.
Anyway, that's a possible take on it, based on the info you've givven. I may very well be wrong. Hope you find your answers.
Porn and vibrators
Tim, you might try Dr Betty's suggestion to use a vibrator. I don't imagine that rabbit-type vibrators, say, would work well for most men, but there are good-quality, long-lasting rechargeable vibes like the Lelo Siri that have a variety of settings and can work for either gender. Using visual erotic materials is a mixed blessing as you have found, since there's always the problem of finding new erotica that hasn't gone stale. Personally I've had some luck with written erotica, which lets me read about hot situations and then later create my own images of them as fantasies. You might also consider Elin's suggestion to look at any health or psychological factors that could be contributing to the problem. Good luck!
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