Home » Blogs » Betty Dodson's blog

Do I Just Forget About Guys & Continue Self-loving?

Sat, 05/12/2012 - 12:20
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I'm 19, and I had made out with the same guy at my university twice on different occasions while being drunk at a club, until he asked me on a date. Last Wednesday we met up in a bar, and it had been, really, my first date with anyone I'd kissed before. He bought me a glass of wine which I drank to make me loosen up a bit. I bought one glass for me, and then he bought me two others because if he asked if I wanted one, I said yes - because when I drink wine I want more.

Anyway, I got drunk on our date - not insanely. He was only tipsy. I had planned to make him my fuck buddy or 'friend with benefits' when he asked me out. From what he told me that night, he seems like a relationship type. I told him I didn't want a boyfriend a few times. We went up to my room afterwards and ended up making out on my bed, naked. We tried to have sex but neither of us could get turned on because of the alcohol we'd had. Eventually he left and said he didn't feel right because I was drunk and it was my first time, and how nothing was happening (with his penis).

I've been dating myself for a while, slowly falling more and more in love with myself. After that night, I'm starting to feel hints of 'blueness' that I'm prone to when I like them and I don't know what to do. It's been four days, and he hasn't asked me out again or tried to talk to me properly. Last night I did send him a text though. This is what it went like - I had had alcohol when I sent it.

Me: I hope u don't think I'm an alcoholic. Also, I'm not 'a bit weird'. Yes, wine is in my system. It is Friday. U at su 2nite? I don't wanna ruin our nite, do whatever u want, I don't care xxx

Him: I don't think your weird! who said that??

Me: No one, I just thought u might do after getting drunk and embarrassing myself!

Him: No of course not! I think ur a really nice person! Ha and I don't think ur an alcoholic. Why did u put 'a bit weird' in abbreviation marks?

Me: I dunno, just thought u might think that. I told u loads of crap as well

Him: Haha don't worry I don't

I don't really know what to do, because last night I had a dream where he was in the same room as me, but started talking to another girl, and when I woke up, I felt really sad. I wouldn't say I have a 'crush' on him, but he's a really good kisser and a cool person.

Should I forget about him and return to worshipping myself?

Thanks for your time - this is new to me and I didn't know who else to ask

Dear V,

While I understand how alcohol lowers inhibitions, it's also a depressant as you discovered. He couldn't get erect and you were not all that present either. For your own sake, don't have first time sex drunk. Those of us who have done it all say it never works out that well. I used to get so angry at myself when it happened, I had to wonder what good was the sex if I couldn't remember what happened? Also being drunk often leads to forgetting to use birth control which caused my first unwanted pregnancy. What a nightmare. This was before abortion was legal.

It would make more sense if you were dating a guy for a while and got to know him before you had penetration sex. How about doing some manual or oral sex first? We are in such a hurry to get a penis inside our vaginas and it's not the way most of us can have an orgasm. It's procreative sex and until you want to get pregnant, there are many other things you can share with a guy sexually.
Also, don't expect to own a guy just because you had intercourse. They are often more interested in the next gal they can seduce. Finally, it's never wise to drop your self-loving practices just because you want to fuck some guy. In the end, you will be with yourself no matter what happens. Lovers and husbands come and go, but the love affair we have with ourselves lasts a lifetime.

Dr. Betty

We Suggest: 
Learn a New Orgasm: How to Upgrade Your Masturbation Technique
Why Women Fake Orgasms
How I Get Off During Sex
Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop
Liberating women one orgasm at a time

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

I think Dr Betty's right about the alcohol and intercourse . . .

Sat, 05/12/2012 - 17:30
Patrick_R

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, while making what we want to do while we're disinhibited difficult or even impossible. There are all kinds of enjoyable oral and manual techniques that lead to great mutual orgasms---V, you could have a lot of fun discovering them with a nice partner. Intercourse isn't bad per se and some women really enjoy it, but I agree, what's the rush?

This guy sounds like a pretty decent person, but if he's looking for a relationship while V just wants a 'fuck buddy', that's kind of a mismatch right there. They're not on the same page. V told him she doesn't want a boyfriend, so if he does want a girlfriend, that could be why he hasn't called. I'm a bit confused by V's mixed messages here, though---she doesn't want a boyfriend but she's sad because he hasn't gotten in touch with her. Well, maybe that's not so strange. Many of us at all ages are a bit confused about what we want in the way of a relationship! V, if you really like him you might consider texting or calling him again, but it would help a lot if you could be clear with yourself and with him about what you're really looking for from him.

Sober sex is better

Tue, 05/15/2012 - 09:08
Heylin

I agree with Betty, don't rush towards intercourse. Take things slowly and work on being friends as well. I remember being like you, I didn't want a boyfriend but would get jealous if my buddy was involved with someone else. Instead of going to a bar, do something else. And keep up the selfloving.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.