Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I'm not sure what other redeeming qualities this man has because he sounds like a jerk with what you have written. My husband couldn't care less how I get off when we have partner sex as long as he gets to get off as well. My husband just cares about my happiness so he will ask for my input not just about sex but on other things as well. I care about his happiness as well so we try to support each others' goals in life. Although I accept that having orgasms are important to me and my husband recognizes that I'm a much nicer person when I have lots of them either alone or with him.

V,
I must agree wholeheartedly with Betty and Heylin.  I cannot add to the great words of wisdom they have already offered, except to say that I would LOVE to have a girlfriend who was addicted to masturbation.  I would love to join her if she wanted, or to "help" in some way if I could (and she wanted me to), but there is nothing sexier on the planet than a woman who knows her body and pleases herself sexually whenever and however she wants.  These are the most beautiful of all women to me...  

Steven

Oh my biddly boddly! dump him.

Why protect the male ego? If he were in your position, he'd have dumped you cold turkey ages ago. Go out there and get some clit action, or at least be able to masturbate guilt-free. If we keep acting like we are the problem...we get nowhere...he'll realize it eventually, maybe (that women are entitled to pleasure just as men are) but that is not your responsibility. If my boyfriend wasn't open to learning about me sexually or thought I was a sex freak because I showed him my clit, I'd show him the door. 

V, I feel as sorry for your boyfriend as I do for you. Perhaps sorrier, because you can easily find another boyfriend, while it's going to take him years and years to get that ugly Catholic garbage out of his head (if he ever can). I know, because I was a victim of their insanity myself. I never judged anyone else for their sexuality, but I sure judged myself, because the RC Church told me I deserved eternal torture in Hell for discovering masturbation. I was just a kid at the time, 11 years old, and I was tormented by guilt for years. What I'm saying is that the self-hating, sex-hating indoctrination starts very early in the Catholic Church, and it's very hard to get rid of. You really have to want to free yourself from it, and you have to make an honest, sustained effort to expose yourself to other, healthier points of view.

It's going to seem to many of us that this young man is awful. He's not. He's just been damaged. That doesn't mean that V should stay with him, because he may never see the light. It just means that it's inappropriate in my opinion to judge him for the way he was brought up. Maybe someday he'll be willing to be educated about the normality and healthiness of masturbation and vibrators. I hope so.

I think the crux of the issue here is whether or not your relationship can survive vast cultural differences. My daughter was engaged to a man from Mexico, and eventually she had to cut it off because it was apparent that some of those differences could never be resolved. In her case, sex was not one of the issues. But their attitudes towards many things were so disparate that she finally made the break. Two people can make the commitment to make it work if they want to, but it is extremely difficult. You are already making concessions sexually; this is just one facet of life. Do you want to continue making concessions and adjustments because he just can't see things from your point of view? If you do, you are going to have to decide what is really important to you, and be very clear to him about what you will negotiate, and what you won't. I think the right to masturbation is an inalienable right that no one should have to concede in order to maintain a relationship.
To Mexican men, if you are in a relationship, it's almost like you are married to them. You don't say how old you are, or where you want this relationship to go. You might have wonderful chemistry with him, and some things in common, but I suggest you really step back and evaluate what the future is going to hold and whether or not it makes sense for you to continue on this path. 

V, I find this situation of yours quite opposite to any of my experiences, including my current. To the point where my current girlfriend is so against the idea of clitorial stimulation - herself or I - even the idea of masturbation for her is a turn off. There is an idea that it was only ever required when absolutely necessary. We do have wonderful sex, however her orgasm occurs only through penetration. I like to try all sorts of things, this has been slowed down currently while I allow her to become more comfortable with us.

Does the idea of my partner masturbating turn me off, or present a view that makes me think I'm not enough for them, or they are a lesser person? Hello no, go for your life! If that is something we can share, even better. Have my partners rubbing their clitoris whilst we are having sex caused an issue? Never.

As said here many times and I agree - only you can know what you want, others can learn but only through you.

I sat here reading this thinking to myself; I'm holding back in the hope my partner becomes comfortable enough in herself to allow the sexual side of our relationship to grow. You are being told you cannot touch yourself; what a polar opposite ...

Based on my observations here in s.w. Idaho, there are a lot of couplings between white girls and  Mexican men.
Generally resulting in the woman being an abuse victim.  There are cultural differences between the races that can't be overcome.  Mexican men look upon women  as a piece of property.
She is expected to wait upon him, take care of him in bed, raise his children and never complain while he is out screwing around with other women.
Being of that culture, and most likely having been raised Roman Catholic, it is a given that he would be against a woman masturbating.  Consideration of her sexual pleasure is of no concern to him.  If she happens to orgasm during sex with him, it is because of, what he would consider his skills as a cocksman.
 
Generally, these gals seem to exude a presence; if that is anywhere near the right word, of self-loathing and lack of self-esteem.  Generally un-attractive and over-weight.
But any  white woman is a real prize to a Mexican man.  Puts him a leg up in social structure among his amigos..........

It's not difficult to see the dynamics of the relationship.  He walks in front of the woman and kids, when they have them, which generally they always have a number of.  She walks head down and clearly has the look of being dominated and defeated.

I'm not attempting to come across as being racist here, so if anyone reads this that way, I apologize, but I stand behind what I have stated, as it is factual.

An old friend from many years ago, who was a dairy farmer from Holland, put it this way.....
"you must keep the Holsteins with the Holsteins and the Jerseys with the Jerseys".
 One should never settle for less than excellence in another person.
There things in life that are far worse than being alone.

it sounds like you are compromising too much of yourself in the relationship for his sake and he isn't budging very much. most importantly, a good partner would never make you feel ashamed or embaressed about your sexual tendancies/energy/etc. dump his ass

Masturbating is your joy and your right.
As for accusing you of doing it when he's asleep; we have all done that.  He should be sharing your body, not trying to control it.  I'm curious, does eh go down on you?

Not that this is actually on-topic, but...........
In further illustrating the matter of the Mexican male ego...........
We had dinner last night in our favorite Mexican restaurant, which is owned by a Mexican-American woman.  We go there often and have developed a friendship with her.
She was reflecting on the fact that she's never been married, but would like to at least have a boyfriend.
She is smart, beautiful, and; most detrimental to her desire for a male companion.............powerful.
Her very admirable values of intelligence and power are a turn-off for Mexican men.  They want  women who can be easily subdued and controlled.
Sadly, there are a lot of white guys who are the same way.
 

Catholic is probably a better word to use than Mexican. Generalizing about 113 million "Mexicans" of either sex does come over as racist. I'm sure that's not what the posters intended, but meant macho sexually repressed catholic men who happen to come from there. 

I am sorry if I came off as racist in any way. I certainly am not. But, I have had a lot of contact with Mexican immigrants, and there are some generalizations that can be made about their culture and how they view gender roles and relationships.
As I said above, my daughter's issues had nothing to do with sex. But their were other differences that made her ultimately decide to forego the relationship. It was a hard lesson for both of them to learn. I think cross cultural relationships can work, if both parties are committed; but there will need to be concessions and compromises and lots of communication.

In spite of what some think, there's nothing racist about referring to someone who has ancestry from Mexico.....as  Mexican. 
No more so than referring to someone from Russia, or Germany or wherever as being what they are.
I don't quite get your rationale about referring to them as "Catholics" instead of Mexicans.  Not all Mexican macho men are Catholic.  Any more than all German macho men are necessarily Lutheran.
Does it make me "racist" to type the word "Mexican", because I happen to be of European ancestry?
Let's don' t stir up that hornet's nest M8.
I know what I have seen here locally, and what I stated is the factual truth,  whether or not anyone likes it.  Truth usually bites.

She knows the facts about what she's stating, and so do I.
I live in a place where the latest estimated count of illegal MEXICANS in my home county alone, exceeds 30,000, the population of my home town.
Jake hasn't lived here, so he won't understand about the rapes of white girls, gang graffiti, drive-by shootings and drug trafficking..........from MEXICO.
When two Mexican men break into a young white woman's home, take turns raping her and nearly beat her to death, does it make me racist to tell you about it Jake?

These are black and white facts we live with every day. 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a comment to another post criticizing Betty for male bashing.  And I still think that, but I think it is the kind of guy that V is talking about is what results in those thoughts.  
We have had discussions above about Mexicans, Catholics, and male egos.  We shouldn't do any of them.  We can certainly criticize the individual- V's boyfriend.  There generally is some element of truth in many stereotypes, and I'm sure that the problems that V's boyfriend has does apply to some other Mexicans, Catholics, and males, but not all individuals of any of those categories.   

What I think I am reading in EG's post, is that we ought to be done with this topic and move on to new things.  I'm ready.  It's very easy to get off the main theme of this website, and I'm bad about that.  My apologies.
Tim in Idaho

If we use the word most or some when  talking negatively about a group, as in "some Mexican men are ___". We're nolonger generalizing and the impression of zenaphobia or racism is nolonger there. My previous comment is simply constructive, as no-one likes to be seen as racist and as  I've said, I don't think anyone is racist here. But the habit of generalising can alienate people from the Mexican culture  who share our views on sex, and are in the best position to provide a solution. We know all Mexican men aren't a problem, so saying most or some is more acurate. It's not unreasonable to say there are tendancies within a culture that produce attitudes and norms that disrespect women, and I'm sure there are a few Mexican men who would share the view that Mexican culture has that problem. 

Here's one