Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I was watching your show on youtube..."How did we meet...Are we having sex" and while you were talking about having sex with Carlin you mentioned that you personally cannot sustain sex after five years.

I hope im not reading too much into what you said but were you implying that after about 5 years your sexual personality has evolved or you had gotten used to having sex with that person and need something "NEW" to maintain a level of pleasure? I'm inquiring because I was in a 4 year relationship with my wife of 2 years. From the very first day we were sexually active we have been having sex almost everyday of those 4 years.

Recently my wife decided to leave for reasons that I was not sexually satisfying her anymore and that I wasn't a motivated enough individual. I'll admit i could have had more confidence and LEAD her to her Orgasms. However, I usually asked if she came....I do alot of foreplay and I feel i'm more open to facilitate what she desires than most men (I would have been willing to include another person even if it was a male). Is it possible she just needed a new sex partner after spending four years (maybe like you) or am I reading too much into it.

Dear C,

It's only my personal observation about myself that due to my background with sexual abundance (thanks to America's sexual revolution of the 70's) that I lose interest in sex with the same partner after approximately five years, sometimes sooner depending upon the individual. However, many prefer to stay with the same person when sex is good and both partners are having orgasms.

However, I sense you are wondering if it was your fault she left because you might have been an inadequate lover. if she never told you what she'd like to do differently when it came to sex, then it was her problem too. We are each responsible for our own orgasms. Men do NOT give women an orgasm. We get them for ourselves.

First when you say you had sex every day for the 4 years you were together suggests to me that it didn't last all that long, maybe five or less minutes. Because women and men are so different when it comes to what they like or need, our current take on female sexuality is
incorrectly based on the male model. You guys can get it up, stick it in and come within minutes. While most women need much more time to get aroused, and we usually don't come from vaginal penetration alone which is great for men and all that you ever need. Also when a man asks a woman, "Did you come?" most women will say "yes" to avoid hurting their feelings.

Most every woman I've ever talked to wishes her boyfriend knew more about being a good lover. And we hate it when a man asks, "Did you come?" We are often thinking, "You dumbass if I came you would know it by my how my body responded." Since most women DO NOT come from vaginal penetration alone, and most men are not that good at "foreplay" nine times out of ten we fake it just to get it over with.

So if you were fucking every day just for your pleasure I'd have told you to masturbate every day and have partnersex once or twice a week where you took an hour or more to really make love meaning lots of touching and special affects like lighting, the right music and not late at night when both of you are tired. Information about what women want is all over our website.

Communication between women and men when it comes to sex is usually sadly missing or very stilted because neither one has had any education or training in sexual skills. So couples talking together about what they like and want to do is the answer but we are mostly embarrassed and tongue tied when it comes to discussing our sexual desires. Time for you to read up on female sexuality so you don't make the same mistakes again. Get my e-book "Orgasms for Two" where I go more into detail. You're a smart man to be seeking answers.

Dr. Betty

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