Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I used to define sex pretty
narrowly, more or less,  foreplay
followed by penis in vagina(PIV) intercourse. I knew there was more for some
people, but I didn’t think there was much else that interested me. Within that
paradigm, an erect cock is pretty much a necessity. As time goes on, I have
been blessed to find a wonderful man, D&R, and to discover that there are
many other ways of defining “sex”. Sex can and should include using your hands,
your tongue, your mouth, any other body part you care to include, toys and
tools (i.e. vibrators, cock rings, props of all kinds). Sex can be solo or
enjoyed with a partner. Partner sex doesn’t have to be PIV. It doesn’t have to
be anything except what two or more consenting people want it to be. It doesn’t
have to involve a hard dick, or include orgasms. Heck, it doesn’t even have to
involve two people in the same place. To me, what makes partner sex so
wonderful is the sharing of the experience. This also includes telephone or video
sex. Being intimate with someone means being a part of another person’s arousal
and pleasure. Intimacy is very special and does not need to be limited to only
what you can do with an erect penis.

So it seems to me that A has some choices: she can either
decide that an erection is necessary for her to enjoy sex, in which case, she
can either move away from this current relationship, or do as Betty proposes
and stay in the relationship, but get sexual fulfillment elsewhere. OR, she can
explore expanding her sexual horizons and see if she can get what she needs
from this man without a hard cock. It sounds like he has a lot of potential,
and I imagine he has learned to adapt in many, many ways to cope with his
disability. If he is indeed interested in having a sexual relationship, I imagine
he would be very willing to explore and experiment to make A happy.

I would guess that most men have some kind of erection
difficulty at some point in their life. Only A can decide how much effort she
is willing to expend to make this relationship work out, for her and for him. Kudos
to both of them for trying as much as they have already. 

You said it better than I could have or did. I agree, Kudos for both of them for doing as much as they have accomplished all ready. Just think of the number of young men returning from our stupid occupations of other people's countries (in the name of oil and greed) that will be coming home with many disabilities. We need to think WAY beyond PIV sex.

I think it's important that she's honest. That he's in a wheelchair doesn't make him less of an adult (able to handle the reality of things) or less eligible to be told the truth. 

I really don't feel this is about disability, but incompatiablility (if that's a word).
It seems clear to me this woman is not sexually attracted to this man at all. It seems more like she might have ventured into the sexual only because he has many traits that she wishes for in a mate. Sometimes we meet people that are so awsome, we just wish there was more to it, even though there isn't. You than need to make the differentiation, perhaps decide to be good friends, and move on. 

The truth is she doesn't like his body, and even has an opinion on the way he ejaculates! So why not let him go find a woman who does. He probably feels inadequate enough and doesn't benifit from a sexual relationship where he has no chance of anything but falling short. He could do so much better and if she cares, she should let him.

(Although maybe he is already, who knows...)