Have Anxiety About First Time Anal Play

Sun, 03/11/2012 - 17:28
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I have to tell you, I love your work! You're amazing. I'm writing to you because I've been struggling with myself lately. I'm 17 and my boyfriend really wants to try anal, none of us has ever done it before, but he thinks it will be amazing. I've always had some fear when it came to anal, but since he told me that if I don't feel pleasure he will stop immediately (and I know that I can trust him on that matter) and won't even be upset, I'm willing to try it. Yet, I'm afraid it will be painful for me and/or him. Do you have any piece of advice for me? Is it normal what I'm feeling?


Dear M,

Get my e-book "Orgasms for Two" where I go into more depth about anal intercourse. What you are feeling is very average for most women. Yes anal can be quite painful when done by a novice. Back in my twenties, my current lover "accidentally" penetrated my ass without any lube or
preparation. I let out a yell, shoved him away and for the next 15 years, no one was allowed to go near my terrified butty-hole. I finally discovered how erotic it could be when I was with my gay friend Bobby who knew all about anal sex and was a master at painless penetration. He knew to use lots of lube, going slow and stopping when I requested it.

I find it interesting how many young men today desire anal sex with their female partners but cringe and hide when it comes to them having the same experience. Once I became a sexually sophisticated woman, I always requested taking turns doing anal finger penetration before
ever allowing a man to penetrate me anally. There are plenty of books and articles on the subject. It would make sense for both of you to share some of this information together before the actual deed takes place. Main "tips" make sure to stimulate your clitoris the whole time, use your pelvic floor muscle and take BIG breathes while he gently pushes into you and then stops for feedback.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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I agree with Betty. How can

Mon, 03/12/2012 - 17:51
Elin A (not verified)

I agree with Betty. How can he think it will be amazing if he hasn't had something up his ass himself? He's obviously only reflecting over his own pleasure when making that assertion.

If you aren't really turned on by the thought, you shouldn't do it. And I recommend you try it yourself a couple of times when masturbating, using a small object like a but-plug. Gently rub the area with increasing preassure when it feels ok. Than you'll know if it's pleasurable or not. Don't try it with him first to find out.

So basically, I say only do it if you really like the idea and have tried it on yourself first. Than you can tell him if you want to proceed. And if you don't, that's that and there's nothing more to it.

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