Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty,

I was very hesitant about sending this for a long time as I see countless inquiries you get that all seem to be on the subject of "I don't have a very strong or very evident orgasm". The main thread I see through these is most of the women asking did not masturbate through their childhood.

I read many articles in which women who masturbated as children talk about their childhood orgasms - in fact the main point in most discussion seems to be about the orgasm - our orgasms, improving them and so on.

I have masturbated since... well, frankly since before I can remember. As a child I was constantly rubbing my clit and humping pillows. Since finding your site about a year ago, and catapulting into a world of greater self-expression and identity (sexual and creative), I have noticed that through all my masturbation, I usually do not notice any sort of strongly evident orgasm. I masturbate, and usually reach a point where my body feels tired, or my clit simply seems either "disinterested" or hypersensitive each time. There are no conscious releases in my body, sans the times that I stop due to exhaustion. The closest thing I seem to come to are what another woman described as "pops" autonomic releases, usually when I am first doing my clit. These releases don't seem to come with any other physical pleasure afterwards.

I only started using direct clitoral stimulation about 2 years ago - could it be perhaps that the way I mostly masturbated - the "pillow fuck" as a child has left my clit still sensitive due to the lack of direct stim? I have read over and practiced the guide on "how to orgasm" many times.

I suppose I am not writing in a desperate plea, but rather curiosity - I am young - only 17 - and hope my orgasm will grow to a very distinguishable point as I go through life - however I am curious as to why it hasn't "blossomed" in the way that other childhood masturbaters speak of.

Lastly - I want to thank you eternally, and with all the warmth and positivity in the world. I discovered Dodsonandross last year after a brief time on some inappropriately prescribed anti-depressants that had almost completely crushed my libido. You are one of the most inspiring artists and educators out there, and a fantastic role model for so many women embracing their sexuality.

Thanks

Dear K,

What a delightful email. Since you are 17 my answer is yes, your orgasms will grow with more direct clit stim. Your description of a youthful orgasm was very much like what I also experienced in my youth. A kind of mild satisfaction with a feeling of relaxation afterward. For a long time an orgasm was just a "pop" or a "hiccup' and then the nice feeling went away. It's a shame that young women new to masturbation are bombarded with screaming, thrashing overly exaggerated orgasms thanks to movies and porn. That sweet feeling of comfort that you get is just fine. Yes, your orgasms will grow with more direct contact of you clitoris while imagining your ideal sexual encounter.

Today, I believe too many young girls are striving to please porn drenched boyfriends that they are "good lovers!" which is such an urgent need for both of them! No, I don't want to censor pornography but I do want a sex education that includes teaching sexual skills along with a few more voices of reason. Once a woman whether she is a porn star or an academic finds her voice, most don't feel they can express what they really believe is true due to some kind of business constraints.

My dear friend who has made G spot films in the past and supported all of it, has now changed her mind completely. Since she works for a sex toy company that has an investment in toys, books and videos teaching the G orgasm (or whatever you want to call it) she cannot express herself and keep her job. Academics are a conservative lot and don't want to step on a colleagues toes by discrediting female ejaculation. And so it goes.

Seems there are only a handful of truth tellers or whistle blowers who are totally independent. I'll always appreciate my background in fine art that prepared me to think for myself. And congratulations on bailing out of the anti-depressant trap. It's thoughtful young women like yourself that give me great hope for our future

Dr. Betty

We Suggest: 

First Time Orgasm

Manual Skills I - Vulva Play

Learn to Orgasm in Four Acts (eBook)

Awakening the Clitoris