Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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It seems to me (correct me if I am wrong) that A wants to have nice sex and orgasms with multiple partners but wants to avoid warm and fuzzy feelings that will trick her into an attachement she does not want.

In my experience you can just enjoy the warm, coxy, fuzzy feelings you get by sharing sex with someone and not worry.
Who says that just because we connect to someone in a deep and meaningful conversation that from then on we can only really talk to this one person? - what crappy assumption!
Yet when it comes to sex we just take the afore-mentioned as a given.
Furthermore, why should we limit ourselves to "small talk" just because we want to talk to more then one person??
For me questioning these assumptions has been worth it. I found that I enjoy sex a lot. (including warm and fuzzy after-glow feelings) and that I am more than capable of sharing all these with more than one person. This has been particulary helpful - I no longer feel obligated (to comitt, to worry about if they love me, to worry what they think, ..) to a lover. I can simply be greatful for the wonderful times/nights we had and just see if more come my way. plus, I believe I've really made a choice when I comitt to someone to build a life together. why? Simply, because I did not limit myself to jump on the "together-forever-waggon" with the first (meaningful) fuck in my life.

Hello!

Easy answer to this one: it's not in any way true that "[= 14px; line-height: 22px]hormones are automatically going to make her somewhat attached to that man.[/][= 14px; line-height: 22px]"[/]
[= 14px; line-height: 22px]So go ahead and enjoy yourself and tell your sex-ed teacher he/she is an idiot. Ask for the research that backs up his/her claims. Time to get real and use real facts, not his/her prejudice ideas of how women work. She might give you come crap about Oxytocin, which is the "bonding hormone". It exists in both men and women and its existence doesn't have to mean you'll feel attatched to the person you sleep with. And what is "attatchment"? A friendly feeling of liking someone is attatchment, too. Sometimes you feel just sexually content but have no need to see the person again. I know lots of women who are out there having nice, casual sex. They don't fall in love more often than us who don't and if your teacher wants to claim otherwise, she needs to get out the research.[/]

[= 14px; line-height: 22px]Great that you get sex-ed. Next step is to get a teacher who actually knows something about the topic.[/]
In my opinion, telling something like this to a young girl serves no purouse but to try and scare them from having sex. Which it won't, amyway :-)

You might wonder why no one ever explains how we can love more than one child, or more than one of our parents, or more than one of our friends and yet supposedly we can only love one lover. Well I'm afraid that your sex ed teacher lives in a culture that pays her salary and if she wants to at least do some good she has to not think too deeply, at least not in front of class, about our culture's half-baked beliefs. And the TV shows and movies are (largely) unable to cope with the concept of boy loving more than one girl who loves more than one boy (or girl). There is no drama in most of their scripts if you remove the "jealousy" script - sorry, that might ruin a lot of shows and movies you currently enjoy. So, our culture has many great features, but tells a lie that says one-on-one bonding in pairing is all there is. And a number of unsupported half truths get used as support. But at least there is some sex ed out there.

I enjoyed reading what was posted after my lame response. That's what happens when I answer too many questions in one day. I don't worry too much because of all you astute members are very well equiped to jump in and fill out my information. Thanks TEAM D&R

I learned in sex ed that when a women has sex with a man, her hormones are automatically going to make her somewhat attached to that man. So my question is, is that true? And if so, how do you and Carlin curb those emotions? How are you both able to not feel attached or in love with someone you only had sex with.

There are women who have sex without getting attached (including most prostitutes) and men that get so attached they're distraught when they're dumped and feel they've lost everything  in the world. Usually a mans partner is the only person in their life with whom they can express affection and the loss of that person can be devastating. That men are cold and women are warm is based on the social expectation that each gender is that way. Not the diverse reality inside our hearts and minds, and doesn't take account of the spread of gender diversity across the population either. Sometimes the people teaching sex ed need sex ed. 

For the most part I liked the men I had sex with. The casual partners were better because we could be friends without all the drama of "where is this relationship going?", "Is he sleeping with someone else?", "Am I a bad person because I'm attracted to other people?". My "serious" relationships in my 20's were a joke because I was not mature and comfortable enough in my own skin. Now I'm married and monogamous, and funny enough, I approach my relationship with my husband in much the same mindset I did with my casual partners. Except I'm not looking for different partners.