How to Become a Slut at 40?

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 08:00
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dearest Betty,

I asked a friend to bring me your book because she is coming from USA, but she told me that it seems that is only available as an e-book, where can she find it as a paper book? is it available like that?

I have been reading a lot of interesting post in your site the last days, and I'm really surprise because many woman write you from all USA, from Europe, they tell you all the things I think too, so living in a 3th. world country, or in Denmak, or in USA is the same thing for some women, we all have the same problems and worries about sex, incredible!!! I can't believe that, I have always complained for living here!

Another thing, I want to become a SLUT too, for girl in her 20's it is so easy, but for a woman in her 40's, with almost no sexual experience, I don't think it is easy, but I need experience, not more waste of time, not more fear, any suggestion???

Thanks a lot, love you

P

Dear P,

Yes, the memoir is now available in a hard copy from our website only for now.

D&R is taking advantage of the World Wide Wed by reaching women around the globe. I too find it totally exciting and love being in touch with all these women. Time to have a universal women's movement so we can take over the important jobs that men are bungling so badly. Like women could create a universal peace movement to end wars.

As for becoming a "slut" at 40, I realize it's not easy but it's also possible. Instead of thinking "slut" try thinking in terms of being a "sexual woman." A gal who knows what she wants and can communicate that to her partner. Think sexually sophisticated, a woman of the world. Then let me know how that worked out. Good luck.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Ooh Betty I agree!!

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 13:59

After flirting with using the word slut in fiction I don't like it. It devalues womens sexuality even using it ironically. It shares with the N word an intension to degrade humanity. 

Sexual woman is fabulous!! Sexually sophisticated woman of the world meets someone who desires her and loves being desired, and so loves her desire for them, at 40 or 15 or 67 and half or 84 you can't do better :)

having read "The ethical

Sat, 02/25/2012 - 12:28

having read "The ethical slut" (love it!) - I really like the word now.
However, I must say that when I think of myself as a slut - it actually has the meaning Betty suggests and I am careful not to use it in conversations or to explain my lifestyle.
In my opinion calling yourself or someone else a slut - still has a negative flavour to it. All the people in my vincinity that called a girl a slut - didn't do it to express admiration at her sexual sophistication, but to condemn her for the choices she made.
When something like that happens, I usually call them out on calling her slut.
Any ideas as to how to better handle such cases?
And maybe get a discussion started about how to leave out the demeaning attitude?

Amorous is much better

Sun, 02/26/2012 - 07:45

I think slut is a nasty little word like the N word, using it to describe yourself is fine but not to describe others. unless they want to be described that way too. and slut  doesn't precusively make a sound that discribes anything positive, it's and aggressicve sound like being hit with a wet stick and your peropetuating the negativity. 

To be described as Amorous  with a capital A is what it is!!!! fabulous 

Slut
[b]1.
a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.
b. A woman prostitute.
2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

[/b]

Amorous
1. Strongly attracted or disposed to love, especially sexual love.
2. Indicative of love or sexual desire: an amorous glance.
3. Of or associated with love: an amorous poem.
4. Being in love; enamored: She had been amorous of him since the day they met.

The slut word

Sun, 05/14/2017 - 12:01
Viviana (not verified)

I disagree with you. Words have the keaning that we want to give it collectively as a society. There are many ways of changing the way people feel about things. A freat example is the word "quier." Back in the day calling someone a queer was just as bad as calling someone a faggot now days. But a group of people decided that they would take the word queer and embrace it as their own. Now there is a segment of the LGBT community called queer. If you went back in time, say 20-30 years back and you tell people that one day calling someone a queer would be non offensive, they wouldn't believe you.

Now you can take a college class on Queer Studies and they even have political parties.

"Originally meaning "strange" or "peculiar", queer came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, queer scholars and activists began to reclaim the word to establish community and assert an identity distinct from the gay identity. People who reject traditional gender identities and seek a broader and deliberately ambiguous alternative to the label LGBT may describe themselves as "queer".

Queer is also increasingly used to describe non-normative (i.e. anti-heteronormative and anti-homonormative) identities and politics. Academic disciplines such as queer theory and queer studies share a general opposition to binarism, normativity, and a perceived lack of intersectionality within the mainstream LGBT movement. Queer arts, queer cultural groups, and queer political groups are examples of expressions of queer identities." ~ Wikipedia

The word slut is an empowering word to some. To them being a slut is about being in control of their life and body. A sign of assertiveness, female power, and to many even feminism.

Some have gone as far as creating different categories of sluts. There are cheap sluts. These are women that skeep with just about anyone. Girls of "low standards." As a friend puts it.

Then there are "Classy Sluts." These are women you know what they want. They like sex and they are OK with having casual sex because they like sex, not just to please some guy. They don't sleep around with just anyone. They have taste. They have standards.

As long as women response so negatively when called a slut, the shame will continue. Our reaction to what people say to us or do to us is what gives unhappy people their negativity fix. They got away with what they wanted and it makes them feel good because they know they got under our skins.

If there is somehing I have learned in life, is that bullies will continue to bully you as long as you negatively react to their name calling and teasing, but if you ignore them, or laugh with them, eventually they give up and move on to other victims.

When I was 7 years old I had sex with two boys from nect door that were sitting me for my sister. They were boh much older than me. One was about 13-14 and the other 17. Some say that they molested me. I suppose they did but I have never lost any sleep over it.

The sex went on for nearly three months on a regular basis since my sister always wanted to go out with her friends every day after school. Even though I can't say that I enjoyed it, I think that there were a few occations that I felt good to know that the guys were enjoying me.

By the time ai was 10 I had been with five guys. All older than me. Including an uncle. In essence I was program to become a sex toy for men.

Between 10 and about 14, I had sex with inky ine guy but changed later. I told my best friend (a girl) that my first time was with two guys and that it went in for a while. She was shocked. And I didn't even tell her about those other guys.

A few minths oast and for reasons I still don't know, she got mad at me and stopped hanging around me. She tokd her new group of freidns about my first sexual encounters with those two boys and I became the school slut over night.

All of a sudden I was getting a lot of attention from boys I had never seen (may I had I just didn't noticed) and guys I knew. These boys often asked me to meet them after school. To me they wanted an "after school date," but o them they wajted an after school laid.

I kissed with some but didn't fuck with the first hand full. Until this ine boy asked me out. I really liked him and he had always been nice to me. The first few days we met after school were nice, we kissed a lot. I eventually had sex with him because I thought he really cared for me and I had developed feelings for him.

After fucking me a few times he told everyone what we had done and that confirmed, more like cemented, my slut title. It got even worst has boys I had not fucked with but had kissed with claimed that had fucked me.

Eventually I did fuck quite a few guys. Specially guys I met outside my school at parks or malls. I became a dirty or trashy slut. Somehow I was OK wih that. Being used was normal in my mind and I didn't really know how to say no. Except in a handful of times in which the guy scared me for some reason. Being a slut that young and "dating" older guys can get you in some scary situations.

Now I am in my 40's and I have come a long way. During my 20's I fucked a hnd full of guys. Yeha, may be only about 5. During my 30's only one. And so far in my 40's just one also and it was a one time thing with him. So far it has been about 2 1/2 years sunce my last time.

Inside of me there is a part of me that wanted to go back to being a slut, and wants it bad. I like to dress sexy and I like guys looking at me. It makes me feel bestiful, wanted, and more feminine.

So the battle inside me goes on. I want to be a good girl but want sex and lets face it, the first time you have sex with someone are typically the most fun. It's like unwrapping and trying a new toy.

So why don't I go out and find fuck guys? Specially now days that one little Craiglist ad could get me tons of prospects? Well, that would make me a cheap slut and I don't want to go that route again. Inwould rather be a classy slut.

But the main reason I don't, is because mentally ai am not ready yet. To be a slut you have to take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself the tough questuons. Do I want to be a slut because I am emotionally needy or lonely? Am I missing something in my life that I think ai can get from dating men and fucking them? If the answer is yes to any of those reasons, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

The truth is that I am not sure about my own answers. I think that I do have some emotional issues that I need to address because ai comit myself to being a classy slut. Addly enough, one way of fainding out is by going out and having a one night stand with someone. If you feel ashame afterwards, chances are very high that you did it for the wrong reasons.

But is there a way to get your emotional needs fixed and still be a classy slut that uses men, the same way they have been using us since the beginning of time, to get their sex fix? You know, get a little companionship and affection and still be OK about not seent that guy again. Is that too much like playing with fire?

Regardless of what I decide to do with my body, I do not mind being called a slut. I never did mind. What bothered me was the boys who claimed to have fucked when they hadn't. But people calling me a slut didn't bother me. I guess deep inside I new that I was one.

But we collectively can take the name slut and change it's meaning and the way people see sluts. There will always be resistanc eto change, but eventually things do change.

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