Can't Orgasm During Masturbation Only During Sex

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 08:49
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

Your website has helped me so much over the past few years, along with some other reading and research. I overcame sexual shame and inhibitions and I was able to have my first orgasm last year with a new partner who I could relax and be open with. But I know how much emphasis you put on the importance of masturbation, and I can still only orgasm with my partner through penetration and clitoral stimulation or just through dry sex (rubbing myself against him). This is great, and really gratifying for him, but I really want to take total control of my own orgasm.

When masturbating by my self I find my mind wandering and my interest fading. I try fantasies (which i have come to really enjoy during sex) but I get distracted by other thoughts. I know you say that practise and continuing on are ways to work on this, and I have been experimenting with almond oil (amazing! use it everytime during sex as well as masturbation) and vibrators but I was wondering if you had any advice. I find it hard to continue to feel sexy without someone else around to confirm this.

Please Help.

Dear E,

You sound like a reasonable and intelligent young woman. The fact that you're having orgasms with your BF is great. Why don't you just enjoy yourself and keep practicing masturbation. For now you are a man junkie who can't get off without male energy. But at least you are having orgasms. He manages to hold your attention but while your are alone you drift.

It's just a question of practicing until you learn to focus your attention on YOU. Meditation might help you to quiet your mind so you can be with yourself. You could also masturbate while looking at yourself in a mirror. Your image is your spiritual lover.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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