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I Can't Help But Feel That Giving A Blowjob Is Degrading

Thu, 01/05/2012 - 10:34
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dr. Betty,

I am a 20 year old female and my partner is a 20 year old male. Neither of us have done anything beyond manual sex with each other or previous partners. We have been having manual sex (although I have not been able to orgasm when he tries to stimulate me which has been making me feel bad because I haven't really experienced a full blown orgasm on my own either so I feel fully responsible, but we're working on that), but he brought up the subject of oral sex and I just can't seem to bring myself to be comfortable with giving it. I wouldn't mind if he went down on me orally, but for some reason I can't get it out of my head that giving a blowjob is degrading. I want to pleasure him, but I don't know if something about me not getting to orgasm through manual sex makes me less interested in intensifying our physical relationship before that happens. I know that sounds very unfair, but it may be the way I think about it. What can I do to become comfortable with the idea of giving him oral?

Thank you so much!

Dear P,

Are you also practicing masturbation? That's the BEST way to develop your orgasm. Sex with any partner is always very complicated. Especially for women because we are always way too concerned about pleasing our partner or worrying about what they are thinking/feeling or how we appear to them. All of this processing keeps us in our heads so we are not able to focus on the sexual sensations in our bodies. Once we are alone, we can focus on the pleasure at hand.

Don't leave your orgasm up to your young man who has had no sex education and no experience with other women. At least he knows what his penis likes best because I'll bet he's likely a masturbatory expert! Most young men have been practicing orgasm since puberty or even before unless raised in a restrictive household. Compare that with your being totally unaware of what you like. So begin your study of all things clitoris and vulva. It's a wonderful trip.

Even after you show him, he cannot feel what you are feeling when he's touching you, so you'll need to continue giving him feedback (after you've had sex). As for giving him a blow job, just tell him what you told me. That you wouldn't mind if he went down on you. After you realize how good it feels, you just might change you mind about it being degrading. Once he does oral sex for you, then returning the favor will not be degrading. Instead it will be natural and fun.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Loved this ^

Thu, 01/05/2012 - 14:54
Andrya (not verified)

l enjoyed the response to this question so much, l read it twice!
ln essence, l think the message is to shift the focus onto yourself. Dive in there and take everything you can from it, rather than even beginning to think what he's getting out of it. He'll tell you if he wants a change-up.
l'd like to add too, that perhaps you should try to stop thinking of it as giving a blowjob, and concentrate on all your own senses (all 5, be aware of them and enjoy), and what you're getting and taking from such a wonderful experience, that is in no way degrading.

Who says a blowjob has to be one sided?

Thu, 01/05/2012 - 19:50
Heylin

Betty's advice was great as usual. Communication is important and having him give oral to you first sounds like a great idea. Below are some of my own experiences with giving oral, if any of these techniques sound fun, feel free to try.
You can give yourself manual stimulation or (my favorite) play with a dildo/vibe while giving yourself manual stimuation. Although personally I tend to give oral as a break in the action, a way to have several more orgasms myself while maintaining his erection rather than trying to bring him to orgasm. Just one more fun thing to do.
The most important thing is that pushing your limits is your own idea.

P, I used to feel the same

Fri, 01/13/2012 - 08:09
Enjoy (not verified)

P, I used to feel the same way and didn't give oral. Now I give Oral my way by staying in control. I only do what I want, kissing, licking and taking only the head in my mouth. I do it because it makes me feel sexy to play with my lips on his head, feel his shaft and balls in my hands. It's for my enjoyment and I only do what I want. The power that comes with this is awesome, you can tease and they love it! If you're enjoying yourself and touching your mans dick in any way  he'll be having fun too. You can make up your own rules and do whatever you want with sex!

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