Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

 0 items

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

This post makes me livid....but: when you play...play safe, be responsible and be smart. Some STI's, if left untreated, lead to pelvic infections which can hurt your fertility. And of course, HIV can lead to full-blown AIDS which, as we all know, can be fatal. Stay open-minded and progressive, but please be safe. No fuck is worth your health or your life. (Or that of your partners'.)

Well, I've seen a skeletal AIDS patient that I doubted would live to make his one week follow up (thankfully I was wrong!). But while there are quite a few HIV patients who are healthy with no medications, there are also many who need the medications to live. The long term effects of antiretrovirals are not pleasant, lipodystrophy, higher cholesterol name a few.
I've also seen herpes outbreaks that were so bad that people had to be hospitalized in order to get IV fluids because their mouths were so full of sores that they couldn't swallow. Granted, we tend to see the bad outbreaks of HSV and there are many people who just have the occasional outbreak or cold sore. (One thing I've learned is that HSV is very prevalent and generally not much of a big deal for most people.)
Syphilis is another STD I wouldn't want to catch. The penicillin shots alone give me pause (and I'm the one so far who has been giving the injections) and I've seen people suffering the effects of neurosyphilis (that requires a spinal tap for a definitive diagnosis-quite a few patients just opt for the shots).
However, my job also provides me with enough incentive to try to eat right and exercise, the self inflicted damage caused by obesity and all the conditions that go with it (diabetes, skin infections, vascular disease).
There needs to be common sense and proper precautions when dealing with anything. Some of my patients marvel at how I never develop any infections especially when dealing with horrific wounds. My secret is simple, I wash my hands a lot, avoid touching my eyes, nose, and mouth, and wear gloves when dealing with broken skin or giving injections.
You do bring up a good point about shaming. The latest issue of Positively Aware sitting in our exam rooms has an article about that. We have many patients who come to us from other counties because they don't want people to know they have HIV/AIDS. These people are having sex which I think is their right as adults, everyone has a right to consensual sex. However they also have a responsibility to not spread the infections to others (that is even true if both partners have HIV-they could have different strains of the virus that could wreak havoc on each other).
My fears would be for (in order of what I don't want to get) HIV, HPV (even though the virus does not lie dormant and will be removed if the wart is removed, there is the possibility of cancer), Hepatitis C (unlike A and B, there is no vaccine for C and the drug regimens sound worse than HIV), syphilis and HSV (although I wouldn't be surprised if I have HSV).
Another point that C brings up that I see at work are the people who don't believe they don't have a STD. Some people just think they definitely have ___________. Of course I also take phone calls from people who are convinced they have diseases not available in the United States (and no, they didn't travel to the country this would actually be found in). So there is a lot of fear about getting diseases in general, not just STD's.

Heylin, how does the risk of getting an STI compare to the risk of being severely injured in a road accident, which is about 1 person per thousand per year (thats 1 person per hundred over 10 years). There 30,000 people being killed per year on the roads in the USA and about 18,000 of AIDS but we mostly all just go out and drive, and following the road rules helps keep us out of trouble but not entirely. My feeling is that C is trying to get her community to stop giving undue attention and alarm to the STI issue. Yes, it is a risk. No its not as risky as the roads, and no way as risky as heart disease, which most of us ignore altogether!

Well Fondcare because I ride a bicycle everywhere in a small town usually on the deserted pavements, over the last 6 years the amount of times my friends or aquantances are injured in car crashes has actually out numbered the times I've actualy been in a car. Which has left my subconscious a little car phobic. I think they're amazingly dangerous.

I think the low risk sexual activities are totally poly and as the activity gets more and more risky that activity is placed more and more in the monogamous zone. To name a few I would say Clitoral stimulation is totally free love poly. Intercourse is between trusted partners and blood play is monogamous. 

To remove ambiguity and establish social trust, Be nice if each risk level had it's own name and scene. If you went to a club where say the scene is gay male mutual masterbation. Everyone would know where they stand with no complicated and lengthy discussions just flirting and sex. 

People are afraid because of how STI's and STD's are treated by sex educators in schools, hollywood, and the media. When I was in highschool they told us all these stories about how horrible getting a disease would be, but never said anything about if they were curable/treatable. Also the news and hollywood like to blow things way out of proportion. If you get "infected" it's always with some rare, horrible strain of aids that kills in 1 hour or 3 episodes.

My perspective might be a little different because I work at a doctor's office so I see lots of HIV patients. Only one of them has stated that catching HIV was no big deal, the rest pretty much agree that they would be happier without it. Although one patient recently mentioned that his health has been better since getting the virus (I asked him if it was because he now took better care of his health).  I know where I live there is a lot of HIV and I would not fuck anyone without protection (well, except for my husband and even if I lived somewhere else I'd still use protection). As far as car accidents and heart disease, well, as I mentioned I also see a lot of fallout from obesity and diabetes (that would be more with the wound part of my job and it's been the best motivation for me to sensibly lose weight).
My point is this, it's hard to look at someone and tell they have HIV (well, the lipodystrophy makes it a little easier to spot). The patients who come to my practice cut across all ages, races, sexes, sexuality, etc... So since I can't look at someone and determine whether or not they have a disease which can kill me, my choices are to be safe or not play.
I don't drive without wearing my seat belt. I drive defensively and follow the traffic laws (well, maybe sometimes I exceed the speed limit just a smidge).
I go the the doctor as scheduled and try to do things to improve my health in order to prevent my death from a heart attack from occuring until much later in life, although dying in my sleep in my old age after having a whole bunch of orgasms is my preferred way to go.
I think getting rid of shame is great. But common sense and a little bit of precaution is great as well.

Thank Jake E.
I understand your concept but the detail would be difficult. Even clitoral stimulation has multiple definitions - by hand, through clothing, with a vibrator - and the by hand option would need qualified with, for instance, bare fingers or with latex gloves.

I understand Heylin that when one is involved in an industry one tends to see the problems but they can take on a greater significance than they warrant because we see them every day and we don't assess risk very well compared to other risks. And people use the evidence to emphasise risks, and if they use evidence to emphasise benefits it never makes it to the media pages.
I reckon its very valuable to have insights from someone with your experience on this site but I also think that C (original contributor) has a point about the poly community going over the top about them. But then, perhaps they need to do so to avoid being accused of being soft on sexual health so they are doing so for that reason.
I bet that folk who work in the heart disease area wish that the polys paid more attention to their physical lifestyle!!
All the best H.

Hey, in my personal experience, working in my field has helped me to lose 20 pounds because of all the diabetic wounds I deal with. If I was still terrified of HIV, I wouldn't work in my field because I administer injections to HIV positive patients who may or may not be on antiretroviral therapy. I just work safe and am prepared to go through the testing/medication protocal if I do have blood/blood contact. Your response to Jake was good, although my nerdy self would advocate the use of nitrile gloves due to the possible of latex allergy in your partner and the fact that nitrile is more resistant to breakout with oil based lubes. I love me some edible oil on my pussy. I will have to lick a nitrile glove so that I can advocate its use in female cunnilingus (Latex tastes yucky). So, living in fear isn't good, being mindful of the risks and taking steps to reduce them are.

Fondcare I think broadly Sapphic sex is safer than intercourse. Having the risk factors of each catergory fixed in the popular mindspace allows people to say what their risk level is with one word. We can do the same with food when we say we're vegitarian. 

If I call myself vegetarian I don't need to explain to my dinner party host why I can't eat the meat and they respectfully cook me a vegy meal. These words allow us to define our boundaries but our boundaries for sexual safety are at the moment vague. We need a  sexual equivelent of vegitarian and vegan and wheat free. A set of new words and once everyone knows what they mean they'll be on every facebook profile. Yeah just a few new words that allow us to easily state our boundaries and have them respected without having to state them each time at length as if they're kind of concepts we've just invented. 

I was having the conversation with one of my patients that she still needs to practice safer sex even though she is the giver with oral sex.
But I'm all for handjobs! One of my fantasies during partner sex is that an extra pair of hands was available to touch me. :)