How Do We Make The "First Time" More Comfortable?

Fri, 11/18/2011 - 11:13
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi there, Dr. Betty

I'm a young woman, and I recently discovered this website through a couple of sex positive blogs I've started following. I started following them because I'm becoming increasingly aware of how little I actually know about my body, and how irritated I am with the lack of sex education (and by lack of sex education, I mean that I was absolutely convinced for quite a while that condoms don't really work, ever, at all, and that you will die if you don't abstain). I want to know everything I can about my body and how to enjoy it not only with others, but with myself. So, I have a few questions.

1. How much of the vaginal entrance does the hymen cover? Is it possible then that fingers could fit into the vagina without breaking the hymen, but a large object (IE a penis) couldn't?

2. How can I make it more comfortable for my boyfriend and I to have sex for the first time? We've been together for nearly a year, and we tried at one point, but we found it uncomfortable, and as a result neither of us was really in the mood. However, I think we are ready to try again, but I have some concerns. I am a very petite lady, and he's not a small man at all. What advice can you give us in order to make things smoother and more enjoyable our first time?

Thank you so much, not only for this, but for everything you and the others writing here are doing to educate people! I deeply appreciate it, and I'm sure so many others do too.

- B

Dear B,

If you read the topics we have listed on the left side of our front page you'll see your questions answered there. As for the hymen, we now know it's over-stated. Many women have no memory of it breaking followed by the bloody spot that indicates a woman was a virgin. Occasionally a woman has a tough hymen that must be opened surgically, but I repeat, RARELY.

Read "Penetrating Your Vagina for the First Time" and "First Time Orgasm". I suggest never do vaginal penetration until a woman is very turned on following direct clitoral stimulation. Applying lots of extra lubrication (water based when using condoms, otherwise massage oil) very slowly begin penetration with your fingers first, then his, all the while using your PC muscle (also listed on same column). Gradually let him put the head of his dick at your vaginal entrance while you continue to work your PC muscle with clitoral stimulation. He needs to let you press into him when you want more depth with his penis. Breathe fully. When you feel any discomfort Stop! Then continue at your own pace.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time