I, like many other women am sure, have been sexually abused. I was very promiscuous for quite some time, and still like random fucking every now and again. My problem is is that I find myself in situations with men that I am not really interested in and end up getting involved, sexually, because of either manipulation, my vulnerability, and/or lack of major boundary skills.
For the most part, these relationships are extremely one sided.. I rarely get off and then feel pretty shitty afterwards for allowing myself to be in that situation. I would love some advice (perhaps a video?) on dealing with this type of stuff. I understand that just speaking up etc is what I need to do, but what if that, in itself, is extremely hard while still being very sexual? Help!!
P.S. I tend to also get involved with men who are either in poly relationships (which I'm fine with, as long as there is communication) or married men with no communication (with their partner) and I'm just the slice o' pie on the side... I long for someone who wants to be with me as much as I them....
Our entire society is sexually abusive towards women! When it comes to creating boundaries, you might consider seeing a good counselor, someone you like or a friend recommends. This is not an overnight fix. I do believe many of us have gone through similar phases where we end up having sex with some dork because at the time it seemed the easiest thing to do. In those cases, I suggest you forgive yourself instantly.
If you have your birth control in place and choose men who are disease free, why don't you see this as a learning phase about sex? How about keeping a fuck diary and write down each experience. What part was good. bad or indifferent. I clearly remember going through a similar phase in my twenties where I felt I was turning into a "slut" because I was having too much sex with too many guys. So I sat down and tried to remember each sex date, what happened, and how I felt afterward. In a strange way, that grounded me. I also practiced saying "no thanks" consciously. My problem was having too much to drink when my will power was low and my hormones were high. I finally decided even a bad fuck was interesting if I paid attention and learned from it. Finding your Prince Charming will only bring on new problems. So maybe it's a good idea for you to spend more time making love to yourself while you sort out your sexual boundaries and get a better picture of how you want to live your life.