Hi Dr. Betty,
I wrote to you yesterday regarding my fear of my boyfriend's sexual behavior. I mentioned that we have anal pretty often, sex pretty often. I believe you concluded that based on his behavior he could be bi. I grew up in a household that didn't talk much about sex, this is my first time living with a man and I have no idea whats normal. He's into "double penetration" porn and fantasizes about having another man join us. We are going on our 2nd year living together, but this has come up since last year.
I'm terrified of taking this step. My father was unfaithful throughout his 20 yr marriage to my mother and I feel that If I don't give in, my boyfriend will become impatient and get it somewhere else. This is really taking a toll on me. I feel extremely depressed and just want a sincere answer from him. I don't have a problem with porn, but I feel like without it he can't perform. Every time I mention this to him, he says I'm over reacting and of course we can have sex without the porn. Yet, when it comes down to playing together I end up feeling really guilty. I've told him that this is causing me a lot of insecurity, but I can't seem to get through to him.
I have already given you my advice. Time for you to seek a professional counselor and discuss this with her. As far as I'm concerned, you sound like a woman who is willing to sacrifice her peace of mind to keep a man who makes her feel insecure and depressed. Is he really worth all this emotional suffering that makes you determined to please him at all costs? I hope you can get through to yourself. His requests are not average nor are they unreasonable. But what he wants sexually does NOT appeal to you. Where is the compromise?