Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Très chère Betty,

To understand the relevance of my question, I have to present myself first. I am a woman, 20 years old. I like both men and women, however not in the same way. I feel a basic attraction for men but most of the time, it's just physic. A body with another body. I desire them, but I've never fallen in love with a man. With women, it's totally different. I like to talk with them, it's a strong spiritual connection. I fall in love frequently and I need to be in love to feel desire. And when it happens its powerful. I desire her soul through her body...contrary to what I feel for men.(However, you must know that I have nerver engaged in sexual intercourse with a woman. Not yet. But it doesn't prevent me to feel desire). Long story short: men's body excites me strong and fast, women make me fall in love ("head over heels"... but desire needs to be built, because it's more emotional).

For as long as I can remember, I have had tension orgasms. I still have, which prevents me to "get-off" during intercourse with men. (Do not worry, I am working on it with your lessons...) The problem is that I've always had diffuclties to masturbate (with tension way) and to achieve orgasms if I was fantasizing about a woman. It demands much more concentration than when I fantasise about a man. Wich is very frustrating because sometimes, I am excited by a woman, and I want to think of her... But I cannot because if I do I will not be able to climax "easily". It makes me restless to not being able to appease my desire. However, when I read your article about the differents kinds of masturbation and the differents kinds of orgasms, I understood that maybe the thing that prevents me to reach orgasms while fantasizing about women was the type of masturbation that I used, that it was my method of masturbation which wasn't the good one to release the desire that I feel for women.

Actually, the "combination" way seems to be the perfect dance, the perfect rythm to express my desire for women. As you described in the "tension" way, I reach orgasm very quickly, and I don't take time to build them. It's like if the desire for women wasn't compatible to the tension way. So that's my question. Do you think that the way one masturbate may not be compatible with the different kind of fantasies one have ? That some fantasies, some desires, may not fit some type of masturbation ?

I must apologize for my english. I imagine it will not be pleasant to read, but I've made my best. I am only french after all^^. (I hope it's clear though). One more thing : I must tell you, Betty, that you're unquestionably one of the few people who have taught me the most interestings things. (Yeah, you're in the top three, next to Aristote and Euclide). You've already changed my life... Hopefully, I will soon feel at home in my body. Thank you for your time.

Avec toute mon affection,
C

Dear C,

Your English is quite good and I understood you perfectly. At the young age of 20, you are very sophisticated and it shows in your question. I've honestly never considered if different styles of masturbation lend themselves to different kinds of sexual fantasies. However it would make sense, according to your description of the way you feel toward women, the slower rock and roll gradual build-up masturbation would lend itself more to the emotional and allow you to think of a desirable woman while the tension orgasms are more compatible just to the physical act of relieving sexual tension. You must experiment with this and let me know what you discover.

I am flattered to be in the company of the philosophers you mentioned, especially Aristotle. That was quite a compliment. Thank you.

Dr. Betty

Dear C,

I'm not sure if I answered your question yet. If not, I can say it's one of the more interesting considerations I've come across. The idea that the way one masturbate may not be compatible with the different kinds of fantasies one has? That some fantasies, some desires, may not fit with some types of masturbation? Likely this could be true. But for me, even tho I'm having an awful rape fantasy with wild dogs, I'm still using the Rock and Roll Combo type of masturbation.

Once you have mastered that technique, tension quickies will become rare with longer periods in-between between them. You are on the right track. With the combo orgasm you can seduce your fair maiden and come loud and strong. Or have a rape fantasy with a jock. The idea is take longer, to move your body more rhythmically and breathe throughout the entire delightful experience no matter what fantasy is used. You are on your way.

Dr. Betty