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My Review of Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality

Wed, 07/27/2011 - 09:32
Submitted by Betty Dodson

As my friends know, I'm not much of a book reader. I'd much rather write one than read one. It's simple, really. I have a reading comprehension disability that requires me to repeat a paragraph more than once to "get it." For some reason, maybe it's aging or maybe it's the iPad, but I just discovered that reading with one makes the process so much more enjoyable.

All this by way of saying I couldn't put down *Sex at Dawn* by Christopher Ryan and partner, Jetha. He wrote the book and I assume she was his research assistant which by the way, was completely researched up the wazoo! They make a great team. I was taught, shown and informed of our history in the most enjoyable way possible. Christopher has a nice sense of humor that kept me smiling inwardly as I poured through all he had to say about "mankind" way back then. I'd prefer terms that included women by saying "humankind" but at this stage of civilization, I realize that's asking too much. It's still a "man's" world.

One of the most enlightening concepts in *Sex at Dawn* supported my intuitive feelings about the insanity and unnaturalness of sexual monogamy. Back when I was freaking out about getting married and agreeing to only have sex with my husband for the rest of my life, I
went to see my therapist. I asked, "What if I no longer love him in 5 or 10 years?" My sixty something female therapist said, "Well Betty, you can always get a divorce."

For some reason I'd been unable to see that as a possibility. Perhaps it was because back then, divorce was seen as a tragedy, not liberation. I did get married and I cheated the first year just to make sure I could. But the guilt was so overwhelming it just wasn't worth it. For the next 6 years I put Freud's theory of sublimation to the test and created art full time. Of course I succumbed to compulsive masturbation which I eventually turned into a lucrative career.

In *Sex at Dawn,* Christopher thoroughly explained historically that monogamy was not natural to humans. He also talks about how much better off we were as hunter gathers. We lived in small groups and each tribe had very relaxed attitudes about sex because they often shared one large space. Children belonged to everyone. They foraged for food that was plentiful. When they found it, they shared it with everyone else in the group. Generosity was natural and sex was shared between consenting adults.

Like it or not, we are one of the big apes. We most closely resemble the Bonobo chimps who were the opposite of monogamous. Sex happened between everyone in the group including the juveniles. The Gorilla had a harem and the Chimpanzees were violent with the males fucking everyone (sort of like us today) while the Gibbons, the smallest ape, lived in the trees and were monogamous.

It wasn't until humans became farmers owning property, livestock, and the ability to store food that corrupted us. The extended family appeared and women became property along with the children they birthed and raised. Bad deal for all concerned and still is. Today we have "serial monogamy" which breaks up family's where children get hurt along with the trauma, heartbreak and financial cost of divorce. I'm definitely tribal, a hunter/gather type. I have never been and have no intention of ever being sexually owned by a man, woman or by any religious belief.

Today we continue to support the sexual ownership of our lovers and spouses and the deadly nuclear family. Greed is an American pass time. Hoarding is another one, especially when it comes to womb guarding by men. Parents act like they own their children but kids rebel to prove them differently.

So-called primitive people had more sex, abundant food, better nutrition and health, more leisure time and far more happiness than our insane corporate world of today. We are not and never have been a monogamous people. That's strictly a religious concept that makes us all sinners and much easier to manipulate by priests, pastors and other power brokers. Read this wonderful book and get a better idea where we came from and why we are like we are today.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Sex at Dawn...then all through the day and night please!

Wed, 07/27/2011 - 11:05
Liandra Dahl

I am really glad to see you review this book positively and recommend it Betty. I loved it for all the same reasons you point out here but I agree it was at times noticeably from a male perspective which made it obvious that it was Chris who took on the task of writing it. However the extensive interdisciplinary research Cacilda and Chris did together is what makes the book so utterly brilliant. The book is a congregation of all the research needed to confirm that sex positivity does vastly more good for humankind than just give us more sexual pleasure. 
I knew we are as close to Bonobos as we are to chimps and the former fills me with hope and the latter gives me a sinking feeling. So I particularly noticed in the book when they pointed out that chimp behaviour was skewed to be more violent in the largest study of it by the way food was dumped into the environment in an unnatural way to make the chimps congregate around the study centre, thus causing them to fight over the source. However, chimps are more violent than bonobos and less egalitarian. The best news follows that we can see from anthropological studies in Sex at Dawn that humans and the societies we build have both the potential to be bonobo like or chimp like. So it's a bonobo revolution for me all the way.    

Male and female sexual evolved compatibility

Thu, 07/28/2011 - 05:41
Fond Care

Another insight that really struck me was that actually we evolved to be sexually compatible.  Males who ejaculate fast and females who don't, but when they do get going keep going and going, is a compatible system. Its also likely that when men are getting lots of sex they are also slower to arouse and longer lasting, and women who get to explore their own needs with lots of sex learn how to respond fast(er) and stay high longer. And its is not incompatible with natural selection for the reproductive tract to have some selective effect on sperm selection, and that there were (and are?)evolutionary benefits to forming co-operative systems rather than nuclear type family systems, with cooperation enhanced by multiple bonding and the chemicals released during Socio Erotic Exchanges. There is just so much right about their explanation.

I don't think it will be that easy a road to incorporate this understanding into our modern lives, but for me anyway the possible directions are clearer now.

joy and pleasure!

Thu, 07/28/2011 - 08:25
dolfun (not verified)

And Bonobo Chimps like dolphins are two species that have sex for one reason - one reason only-pleasure!..pure joy and pleasure!....

Paleolithic Lifestyle

Svetlana Ivanova's picture
Thu, 07/28/2011 - 16:14
Svetlana Ivanova

There is a whole movement centered around trying to adapt our modern lifestyle to our human evolutionary past. It's mostly centered around diet and exercise, but some practitioners are also interested in lifestyle in general. Search using the terms "paleolithic" or "primal" with whatever you're interested in - diet, exercise, lifestyle, etc. If you're a vegetarian jogger, you probably won't like what you read, though.

Lifestyle

Thu, 07/28/2011 - 16:49
Fond Care

There are also groups trying the sexual themes - swingers and polyamorists for instance.

Reading

Thu, 07/28/2011 - 16:53
Fond Care

Betty
Your note that reading on the Ipad was "so much more enjoyable" made me wonder if perhaps using a different media also bypassed an aversion to books you might have developed in your early childhood, and I wonder whether other folk with a similar entrenched aversion might also benefit from the same thing.

Itelligent animals behavour

Fri, 07/29/2011 - 08:21
Jake E

Itelligent animals behavour seems to reflect their culture, just like us. Dolphins can be amazing but they have been observed gang raping. Bonobo's have been observed murding each other. Like them we can be revolting or amazing. Skeptics will point out that there's archeological evidence we did lots of revolting things in pre history but it's  obviously the good things like diet and community that we want to reinstate and build on. 

Oh the love of nature...

Fri, 07/29/2011 - 09:19
dolfun (not verified)

Nature has much to teach us!

Responding to Fond Care

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 07/29/2011 - 11:27
Betty Dodson

The minute I read what you wrote, I agreed! Most folks say they love the feeling of holding and smelling a book. I can never get comfortable, I fight the pages that won't stay open, the lighting is always difficult and on and on. I grew up in a home that was devoid of books other than the ones we brought home from school for homework. My mom didn't believe in children being in school all day only to come home and keep studying. So we rarely did our homework. Her attitude was that childhood was a time to play, not to bury our little heads in books. Although she never interfered with me drawing, making paper dolls or playing with my coloring books. Yup! The i-Pad is dreamy for me. I'm might be off on a reading spree although I read endlessly online. I feel like I'm a graduate of Google University.

I heard of this book and was

Fri, 07/29/2011 - 21:04
Forseti

I heard of this book and was wondering about what you would think of it. Jackpot. ^^
 
Monogamy comes about as naturally to me as living in the Sahara does to a fish.

Reply to Jake E

Sat, 07/30/2011 - 04:23
Fond Care

Hi Jake
My understanding is that Bonobos had NEVER been observed murdering or raping. They have been observed to kill and eat other monkeys though, the same as we do in different parts of the world.  I wonder what the facts are?

To Betty

Sat, 07/30/2011 - 04:25
Fond Care

Thanks for the insight Betty. I've started spreading this insight. xx FC.

Even gibbons aren't monogamous

Sat, 07/30/2011 - 18:37
KTown

LOOOOVE the website, sexy ladies- I'm a devoted follower. I'm also a biological anthropology student at Georgia State University, and I did an extensive research paper on sexuality in gibbons (specifically white-handed gibbons) last semester. Thought to be the only monogamous primate, even gibbons are not "monogamous" and pair with several mates over the course of their lifetime, too! Another interesting point about primate sexuality- female orgasm has been observed in many species of primates! Some researchers attribute female orgasm to an evolutionary adaptation that may aid in sperm retention blah blah, but I think it just further proves that we as women were designed for much much more than getting married and having babies. Must read this book ASAP.

Thank KTown for the info.

Betty Dodson's picture
Sun, 07/31/2011 - 10:15
Betty Dodson

I think women are designed for sexual pleasure with multiple partners. Rather than orgasm retaining semen, I prefer the idea of sperm competition and may the best one win.
So our little Gibbon cousins are really serial monogamists. Just talked to a male friend of mine recently who also admitted he too was a serial monogamist. Similar to many women. Glad to know you are one of our members. Welcome to D&R.
Betty

Thank you, Betty!

Tue, 08/02/2011 - 12:33
Christopher Ryan (not verified)

It's never good form to barge in on a conversation about one's book, but I just wanted to thank you, Betty for taking the time to read our book. The fact that you enjoyed it is just icing on the cake for us. English is Cacilda's sixth language, so your sense that I did the writing is correct. But yes, she did a lot of the research, pored over every draft, told me when my jokes fell flat, and paid the bills with her day job while I worked on the book. A simple acknowledgement wouldn't have come close to acknowledging her input.

Jake E: You have the wrong impression of bonobos. Here's a link to a blog post I wrote on this issue:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-dawn/200906/another-bonobo-bashe...

I sent your review to a mutual friend we share, Betty, Roger Guettinger. He speaks fondly of hanging out with you in NYC back in the '70s.

Much love,
CPR

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