Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi I saw your videos on youtube a few days ago and have been hooked!

I am learning so much that I had never know about sex and orgasms. I am a 19 year old female and my question/problem is that I am so uncomfortable around guys that I get embarrassed and nervous to even kiss guys. when I am physical with them I get so embarrassed. I have had sex with two partners and had been in monogamous relationships with them. but both have cheated on me. I am currently single and have been wanting more physical relationships without the commitment. I am both scared to commit and scared to be physical with someone I am not committed to. How can I get over this ? and is this normal?

Dear J,

Your discomfort, embarrassment and fear is fairly average for most young women beginning to have sex with a partner. Boys also go through this phase too, so it's not just girls. The more comfortable you are when having sex with yourself as you masturbate is the solution to much of this fear. Once you know how to give yourself an orgasm, the more confident you will feel.

At 19, I would not rush into fucking unless I had my orgasm in place and a secure form of birth control. So few boys understand a girls body let alone their own, so sharing manual sex is the best way to begin enjoying sex with a partner. Learning how to touch each others sex organs does not come naturally. It helps a lot to verbally share what you like and don't like and then show each other through actual touching.

I know this is not how most kids begin. They usually dive right into penis/vagina intercourse which is basically procreation sex not sex for fun. The boy will come too fast and the girl won't come at all. Both will feel embarrassed and/or disappointed. It's best to do a lot of kissing and touching before entering into penis/vagina sex. I didn't "go all the way until I was 20." But I'd been having orgasms with myself throughout my childhood and teens.

The website offers How to Orgasm, Birth Control Information, First Time Penetration and encourages couples to communicate. We also have streaming video clips that show sexual skills. You are entering what can be a wonderful phase of your life so don't be in a rush. Take your time and savor all of it. With more sexual knowledge, pleasure will gradually replace your fear.

Dr. Betty