My Clit is Too Sensitive to Orgasm

Fri, 03/25/2011 - 07:45
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty and Carlin,

I'm 21 and I have never had an orgasm. I've been masterbating regularly since I was 11 and I have memories of occasionally masterbating for as far back as I can remember. I've never felt nervous or ashamed about it and I have a strong sex drive. I've read as much as I can about techniques and I've tried to switch it up as much as possible. I can feel it building in intensity and usually my whole body will periodically shudder.

But then my clit will become too sensitive, to the point where any sort of stimulation hurts (even if its above or to the side), or all feeling of arousal will just go away completely. It's like I've had an orgasm but missed the fun part. I'll take a break and then keep trying but eventually I just give up. I've had sex but I figure that if I can't orgasm on my own it's probably even less likely that it will happen with someone else. What should I do?

Dear J,

Once again this sounds like you are having an orgasm. But you are unable to identify the release due to your expectations of what you "think" an orgasm will feel like. When you say, "I can feel it building in intensity and usually my whole body will periodically shudder. But then my clit will become too sensitive, to the point where any sort of stimulation hurts."

This is true for all clitorises right after they have come. The 8,000 nerve endings have to calm down for a few moments. I suggest you start to treat these shudders as small orgasms and give your body credit for responding. Poor body! It comes and then your cruel brain denies it. Get out of your head and trust your body. Read "First Time Orgasm" again and then read it again.

Dr. Betty

Dear Dr Betty,

Thank you so much for your response. I can't tell you how happy I am to realize that there's probably nothing wrong with me and to stop beating myself up about this so much.

I'm still a little confused though. I've heard multiple times (from books on sexuality and even lectures on gender equality) that lots of women say they don't know if they've had an orgasm before and that others think they've had one but really it was just extreme arousal. This is usually then sited as evidence that our society wrongly ignores female sexuality and sex education and focuses mainly on the man's pleasure (for example, porn teaches us that sex is all about men). So that lead me to think that whatever I felt was all pre-orgasm and, as most people tell me, "when you have one have one you'll know" (which, oddly enough is the same exact thing that people say about being in love). I used to wish that I could just go to some kind of sexual research hospital and be hooked up to some monitoring machine just to make sure I wasn't physically incapable of having an orgasm.

I read through a lot more of the pages on your amazing website and am starting to accept that female orgasm isn't necessarily the same grand finale that it is for men and that I should just enjoy what feels good. But is there anything that I can do to have orgasms that are definitely recognizable as such? I know I shouldn't feel let down not to get the romanticized stars-in-your-eyes firework-y orgasm, but can I get there eventually? Or at least, is there some kind of mental exercise to fully enjoy and/or cultivate what I already have?

Thank you so much for your help and for taking the time to read this admittedly long email. I really really appreciate it.

J,

Stop reading sex books. Most of them are full of crap like "How to have a mind blowing orgasm" or some such thing. And don't pay so much attention to what people tell because they seldom know what they are talking about. You are obsessing over something that your body will figure out if you just STOP thinking about it so much. Okay? Now go masturbate with a hot fantasy!

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Trying to reach orgasm

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 05:55
Alicia (not verified)

Hi Betty and Carlin,
I will keep this short. I masterbate regularly and I try to reach an orgasm. I get to a point where my clitoris gets too sensitive to carry on. Maybe it's a small orgasm but I always come away like I wasn't finished or I haven't found that release yet. I feel like I still need to keep going but my body screams no!

Orgasm if you can call it that's barley lasts a sec!

Tue, 05/05/2015 - 23:45
Keglar (not verified)

When I masturbate the feeling will build and finally reach a point where I can't stand to touch it but I always feels like I havnt reached my big orgasm ever... It feels amazing but that feeling only last for about a second before my body jerks away I've read that a good orgasm lasts for 5-10 seconds I always walk away not feeling completely satisfied I just want to know if there's anything I can do to reach complete satisfaction. It feels as though I've reached the edge of the cliff but can't figure out how to jump off

i cant orgasum and im 27

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 18:25
Jennifer_88 (not verified)

dear Betty and Carolyn I'm 27 years old I love sex I can go forever without it but when I am really into someone I really love it almost even kind of crave it but I've never had an orgasm I've tried to give myself one I get super sensitive to the point where I can't I like force myself my whole body like pulls away it'll get to a point where I can feel the blood rushing when doing it to myself with a dildo though and tickler but then my body kind of just pulled away and I don't know how to help I tried to tie my hands to the bed everything I know that sounds crazy but I just don't know why I can't have an orgasm when I'm doing it with the guy I really enjoy it and then I can't even get super wet but I do not feel even close to an arousal or release in any form of way what can I do what am I doing wrong how do I fix this. I don't feel like I'm giving any negative thoughts I'm pretty open to it all wasn't really till recently that I've been actually trying as often just kind of love sex and didn't really think about it but now I really am and I really want answers I know I'm missing out. Please help 

I thought I was the only one

Wed, 03/22/2017 - 06:24
Rose999 (not verified)

Omg! I know this post was from many years oho. But I am so released to read about someone who describes exactly the same thing as what I go through!
I've read a lot on women's sexuality but all the problems that other women seem to be have have to do with not orgasming or only orgasming through clit stimulation. And here I am wondering if I've actually orgasmed or not - I didn't know how to tell.
I too will feel really good for about a second and then I am too sensitive to touch. It's so frustrating and I feel as if I havn't really released. Now I know that maybe I am orgasming, just not in the way we've always been told. I wish it would last longer. I guess now I can focus on how to make that happen.

You Can't Feel the Chemical Orgasm

Wed, 05/10/2017 - 17:44
Anonymou110 (not verified)

It's called sexual anhedonia. You experience the physial effects of the orgasm (everything you've described) without feeling the chemical pleasure. 

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