Wife Never Had an Orgasm & Doesn't Like Her Clitoris Touched

Wed, 02/16/2011 - 09:42
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello - I am a man that is married to a wonderful woman, who despite our best efforts, has never had an orgasm with me or anybody. I recently bought her a hypnosis CD to help her release any mental blocks, which we are still working on.

I have also discovered through much conversation and experimentation, that my wife does not enjoy direct clitoral stimulation (it tickles). She told me that she would likely get more aroused if I were rubbing her through her jeans or heavy pants...Is this something that could lead her to an orgasm and if so would she then be able to tolerate a tongue on and in her pussy once she came? I love the taste of my wife and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to make her quiver with ecstasy. I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Dear T,

The best approach for any woman who is preorgasmic is to explore her own sex organ. Encourage your wife to browse our website especially my information on "First Time Orgasms". Perhaps she would prefer watching one of our video clips. Or reading my book "Sex for One" would be a good start.

That "tickle" she feels is the beginning of sexual arousal and she needs to simply breathe into the sensation and let it grow. You cannot do this for her. She must get involved in her own process.

Another possibility is to use a vibrator like the Magic or Mystic Wand on top of her jeans. Better if she used it herself but sometimes when a partner does it they feel it's more legitimate. Don't expect any quivering displays of ecstasy right at first. Give her time to find herself with your encouragement but not with any intense desire that could set up performance anxiety in her. I'd love to know what worked best for her.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Connecting with and deepening sensation

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 23:18
Isabel (not verified)

Hi T.
Dr. Betty's advice to "breathe into the sensation and let it grow" is right on. you could also ask your wife if she experiences pleasure generally - pleasure from massages, from taking baths, from receiving compliments - if she is comfortable opening to pleasure.  As Betty said, remove the emphasis from orgasm/getting off as the primary goal and instead let her explore this initially from a standpoint of opening to and connecting with the experience of pleasure in her body.  the more she can relax and focus her awareness on the pleasure she is having, even if its just a subtle sensation - without trying to GET somewhere - the more that pleasure and sensation will expand.  when she has established that and connected to it, the sensations and arousal will come more easily the next time. then she can add movement, breathing techniques, and sound to increase it more.  
let her know a lot of other women have this experience, she isn't the only one, and it is possible for her to increase the sensation she feels.  :)

Here is a link to an interview with a couple where the wife started out with very little awareness of sensation at all and was able to connect with, deepen and expand her experience of sensation. She shares her experience, if you're interested
Part 1: http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/230-expanded-lovemaking/episodes/3...
Part 2: http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/230-expanded-lovemaking/episodes/3...

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