Hey, Dr. Betty,
First off, love the site. I’ve been masturbating to orgasm on a very regular basis since I was a little kid and just very recently started with partner sex (oral sex and manual sex). But I can’t cum. I realize we’re just starting out and that he’s not any more experienced with the opposite sex than I am, but I dry up when he goes down on me. It does not feel the least bit pleasurable (because I’m unaroused). I tried masturbating and fantasizing while we were making out, and even then I couldn’t get to the point of getting off or even get to a point of significant arousal, and we were going at it for a couple of hours.
Once he fell asleep, I masturbated to orgasm. He’s very different from my sexual fantasies (I mostly fantasize about lesbians). However, I do get aroused when we make out and pet, just when it comes time for my vulva to be touched, I dry up. I’m having quite a bit of trouble transferring solo pleasure to pleasure with another person. Again, it’s fairly new to me – only two encounters as of right now – but any advice on how I can relax and let go could be pretty helpful.
This would be a perfect time to read both of my books, Sex for One and Orgasms for Two. Since you are just doing oral and manual with a young inexperienced man, you need to SHOW him how you touch yourself. Be sure to always use some kind of additional lubrication like a quality massage oil.
At some point, the two of you could also share masturbation. At some point you will want to experiment with a woman too. For now. cut yourself some slack as a beginner at sex with other people and congratulations for sustaining a love affair with yourself. You're going to be just fine.