Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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we have been married 24 years and my wife who is 45 gets bladder infections only when we have intercourse. she never gets one from a vibrator.

she has never had an orgasm and i do not think she has a clitoris.she is very tight since all her childbirths were c-sections. she got her first bladder infection on our honeymoon. she has tried bioidentical hormones but i think the doctor did not know enough about usage. we are trying black cohosh through advice from a naturopath. she went on a yeast free diet too.

we stopped having sex since june/08 and were in phoenix last week for 5 days and she got another uti the second last day we were there. I was wondering if you had any suggestions as to what the problem is and how to fix it.she is very tight and it usually does not take long before her entrance to her vagina gets sore, if that happens she usually gets an infection. if we have sex and it is not sore she may not get a uti. she does not think it is from e-coli because she thinks she would get a uti from her vibrator. why does it only occur from using my penis.I feel like we were never meant to give each other the ultimate gift through a physical and mental love.

Dear George,

Every woman dreads getting a UTI (urinary track infection) and it's a crap shoot as to which of the multiple cures will work. I'm not a medical doctor but as a sexologist, I can assure you that your wife has a clitoris unless it was surgically removed. If she is using a vibrator (what kind?) and she's still not having orgasms? I'm confused. If this is the case have her read First Time Orgasm on the website. Another thing, how come she's not asking the question? Could her UTI's be an excuse to avoid having partnersex with you?

Honeymoon cystitis is caused by friction from the penis moving inside a vagina that's not fully engorged. Women have nearly as much erectile tissue as men, but ours is internal. Many women get penetrated long before they are ready and the irritation that follows can cause a UTI. My advice to all couples is never depend upon a woman's natural vaginal secretions. Especially a woman in her mid-forties. Your wife will need plenty of extra lubrication before and during intercourse. My favorite is Sweet Almond Oil that I sell on my website.

The tightness at her vaginal opening could be addressed if she focussed on using her pelvic floor muscle while doing Kegel exercises. Check out my info on Betty's Vaginal Barbell. She also needs to avoid penetration until she's really turned on. Then while she's stimulating her clitoris with her vibrator, you very slowly begin penetrating her while allowing her to control the depth. Also be sure to wash your penis and surrounding area of both sex organs before you begin fucking.

Finally you can look up UTI's online and read the numerous cures available. My urologist relies too heavily on prescribing antibiotics which I avoid as much as possible. Good luck on solving your problem.

Dr. Betty

She has many different kinds, the latest is glass which she likes, we bought the eroscillator 2 which was recommended by Dr. ruth westheimer, then there is the g-spot one with the curved end and then your regular plastic one. She never cared for the eroscillator 2.

We just returned from phoenix on friday, we went looking for a house, but on monday my wife went to see a plastic surgeon and had the g-shot where the doctor injects some collagen into the g-spot hoping this might allow her to have the g-spot orgasm. Sometimes when I go down on her, she does not want me to lick to close to where her clit is supposed to be. It does not feel good.She told me that sometimes she can touch that area with her vibrator. I have bought numerous books, kim cattrel's "satisfaction the art of the female orgasm" "What every woman wants her man to know about tantric sex." "Here kitty kitty" plus many articles from the internet.

We have been happily married for 24 years and I do not think she would want to get a needle with a local anesthetic and then a needle with collagen injected into her g-spot if she did not want to have partner sex. She likes giving blowjobs which alot of her friends do not do. She never does any research on this subject, it is always me.She would rather watch the emmy's than write emails to strangers. I always use lubrication that is water based bought at a sex shop. She likes the warming ky jelly. I remember buying some almond oil to massage her and she got a rash on her leg. We tried bioidentical hormones to think the thinning wall might be causing her uti's, but only had some success.

We also read Dr. Christine Northrups book on menopause. My wife does not get very wet anymore,so that is why we have been using lots of lube. I agree that the problem is probably what you said about the honeymoon cystitis. So why would she not get it from the vibrator,is it because it is smoothe and less friction than the penus. p.s. thankyou for responding so soon. We were in Punta Cana for a week in February and she did not get a uti. But lots of booze and privacy helps, but I was disappointed with our Phoenix outcome. Again she wanted a quickie in the morning and I think we could never have a quickie. When you say to wash the surrounging area, you mean before you start warming up and putting the lube on or do you mean after you use the vibrator before penetration.

Dear George,

Sorry to hear about your wife getting a G-shot! It's more hype than real but it keeps the plastic surgeons bank account full. From what you say, your wife has a clitoris that is too sensitive to play with. She is trying to get her orgasms from penetration alone. As you both see, that rarely or never happens. The approach I would recommend is having her do genital massage and gradually learning to touch her clitoris more directly. According to what you've said, she is very resistant to solving this problem herself and that's the problem. Meanwhile she has your undivided attention and efforts to "fix" her when in fact that is her responsibility. Again I suggest you read First Time Orgasm on my site. The steps for her take are clearly outlined.

For clarity, a dildo is a sex toy used for penetration. A vibrator is used on or around the clitoris. If you still want to pursue her problem, get my books Sex for One or Orgasms for Two. Meanwhile, I hope you're enjoying masturbation sessions during her frequent bouts with UTI's. Yes, I mean washing your sex organs before using them. Good luck.

Dr. Betty