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Boyfriend Never Ejaculates. He Doesn't Care But I Do

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 08:50
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty, I'd like some advise from either you or Eric.

I recently started a physical relationship with pretty inexperienced man. Like other men I'd been with I figured I would make him cum pretty easily if not with my hand, my mouth. Neither of those things have worked and while hes not bothered by it, I am. I told myself I wouldn't have intercourse with him until I'd made him orgasm a different way but we did. Even then he didn't orgasm!

He says its nothing i am doing wrong and I'm trying hard not to take it personally and ask what I can do to help but he says he doesn't know. If he's not worried about finishing should I just get over it and enjoy myself? Can i suggest using a cock ring during sex? I've always been curious about those...

-A

Dear A,

You've answered your own question. "If he's not worried about finishing should I just get over it and enjoy myself?" Yes, yes, and yes. My position has always been that each of us is responsible for our own orgasm. Don't waste your time by turning into his shrink. It appears you can suggest anything you want to as he seems very co-operative. Cock rings are an aid to keeping a man's penis firm by holding the blood in, so sure, try one. You might also try very slowly (with short nails and lots of lube) doing anal penetration while he's receiving a blow job from you. This one is a winner if the guy is not too over protective of his butty hole. In many ways, a man who doesn't ejaculate is ideal. Relax and enjoy your selves.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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If he seems like he is

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 18:47
AdR17 (not verified)

If he seems like he is getting off he could just be "backfiring"   ie: retrograde ejaculation.

You say he is inexperienced, does this mean he hasn't orgasmed

Fri, 11/19/2010 - 19:00
anon

by himself ?

What works for women can work for men too, try a vibrator...

He has

Sat, 11/20/2010 - 00:02
A (not verified)

He has expirienced orgasm by himself, but never with another person.

Hi A

Mon, 11/22/2010 - 07:47
Jake E

His erection is evidence that he thinks your hot. I may be wrong if your not looking to have children but I think the elephant in the room is I think your concerned that someone you like won't be able to co parent children with you. You want to see some evidence of sperm and fertility. :) not an easy thing to admit or find out without hurting anyone's feelings. As I've said I might be completely wrong so if I am just ignore me :)

masturbation

Mon, 11/22/2010 - 15:04
rich

I know from experience that masturbating can cause issues like you mention. I used to have a hard time reaching the point of ejaculating from oral and sometimes vaginal sex because I was masturbating too much. What can i say, i went through a big dry spell. I stopped cold turkey for a while and problem solved. You sometimes get too used to the intensity of your own grasp versus that of your lover's mouth or vagina and find it hard to climax.

Your boyfriend may not even realize this.

Give it ime

Sun, 11/28/2010 - 18:55
tinyclit

He may just not yet be fully comfortable with you yet. He may even be somewhat intimidated and insecure. Just keep enjoying YOURSELF and he will cum around (pun intended). Also, be sure you're both talking honestly and sincerely with each other about your sexual needs. You may find that he has been too embarrassed to talk about something he really needs you to do in order for him to be able to cum. In any case, don't stop making sure your own needs are being met, enjoying yourself and very importantly letting him know that you're enjoying yourself. If it's just insecurity, knowing that you're enjoying yourself should help him get there.

I had this same problem

Mon, 11/29/2010 - 19:07
rharris32 (not verified)

I had this same problem when I first got together with my husband and it bothered me a lot. I was inexperienced and I was convinced that it was something wrong with me.  Turns out he was just used to getting off by himself.  He was used to jerking himself off and got nervous when I would do it to him and he would go soft.  It took a while but eventually he was able to do it.  It took even longer for him to be able to cum inside of me but that happened too.  It was just all to do with his nerves and his concentration.  Once he relaxed it happened.  Trust me, it probably has nothing to do with you.  Just give him some time. 
My husband (then boyfriend) also bought a fleshlight to get better used to the sensation so maybe that would help.  Once it started feeling normal for someone else to be doing things to him everything was fine.  Don't be discouraged -- it will only make him feel worse and more self conscious.

it worked!

Sun, 12/12/2010 - 00:05
A (not verified)

Horray!! We are both having lots of orgasms/ejaculations from different types of stimulation!

What did you try?

Tue, 12/14/2010 - 09:01
anon

Could you name some things?

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