How Can I Learn to Orgasm Without a Vibrator?

Tue, 10/12/2010 - 09:44
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am 29 and I just learned how to have an orgasm a few months ago. I used a vibrator to reach it, and more recently I've learned to orgasm with my showerhead. I've never been able to orgasm without mechanical help. I've been open with my husband - first about my lack of orgasm (something he hadn't known) and about my success with a vibrator. He welcomes the vibrator into the bedroom, which is great, but I always feel a little guilty when I need to go that route after we have sex.

In fact, I find myself forgoing orgasm because I don't want to ruin the cuddly, after-sex mood. I would really like to figure out how to orgasm without mechanical help. I've tried, but when I find myself getting close I cannot manually create the amount of stimulation I need for the length of time it takes me to get me over the edge. Even with a vibrator I find I need hard pressure on full blast for a long time (maybe 1-2 minutes) to get me from "close" to "over the edge." How can I learn to respond to a level of stimulation that can be created either manually or orally? Thanks!

Dear E,

After just learning how to have an orgasm at 29, now you are putting an unnecessary demand on yourself to come another way. My book "Orgasms for Two" deals with this situation in depth. Your husband has no objections to welcoming the vibrator into the bedroom yet you complain you can't cuddle because you have separated the vibrator from partner sex.

If you use your vibrator while you are fucking with him, you can come while he's penetrating you and cuddle all you want. There is no need to separate the vibrator and do it afterward. How we masturbate is what we want to do to have an orgasm with our lovers. It's not either or, instead it is BOTH! Check out our sexual skills video that shows what I'm talking about. Have fun.
Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Thu, 10/14/2010 - 07:17

This is not in response to this post.  With the new layout I just don't see a way to "Contact" you or Carlin or "search" for it?  The new layout is improved visually but I would like to comment that I really miss the trailer of most recent responses to posts.  Your bloggers and audience are a major contribution to this website.  For example, if someone comments on a topic posted months ago that recent comment is no longer highlighted in the trailer that was on the bottom of the Ask Betty tab so it would be lost to a viewer .  I view your site almost once daily so I would look to see who commented within that last 24 hours.  Now unless they commented on a new post on first page or so it is really buried and I have become so familiar with the bloggers actually clicking on specific VirginMoonblogger, darkgreeny, etc....        

thank you for the

Thu, 10/14/2010 - 08:13

thank you for the feedback...I'm on it

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