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I Can't Ejaculate During Intercourse

Thu, 09/09/2010 - 09:23
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hey there Doctor Betty,

I have a question that is, I'm assuming, common with a lot of guys. Anyway, well I started having sex with a girl again after 5 years of being single due to being the main caregiver for both my handicapped parents. During that time, I achieved my orgasms through masturbation, but now I am unable to ejaculate when we have sex. My equipment works just fine since I am still relatively young at the age of 37 but I do not have a lot of time to go out and find a lover due to my family obligations, my job, and my spare time spent working on my fiction writing.

I am grateful to her for having sex with me since she understands my situation but she wants me to cum since I always make her cum whenever we have sex. So can you please help me? Do I need to stop masturbating for a week and let it build until the next time we have sex? She is the girl who takes care of my parents whenever I am at work or want to go see a movie so we are keeping our sex on the extreme down low and I so look forward to your response. Thank you.

Dear K,

The inability to ejaculate with a partner is not nearly as common as guys coming too fast. If this is the first time you've had this situation, I wouldn't worry too much. I get the feeling you are not all that crazy about her as she seems more like a convenience helping you out with your parents. You can definitely try not masturbating for a week but I doubt that will help. Are you clear about what kind of birth control you are using? Some guys fear an unwanted pregnancy to the degree that they can't ejaculate inside a vagina but are not conscious that's the reason.

How about having her finish you off with manual sex or suggest that the two of you share masturbation?
Also keeping your sex secret means not making any sounds to avoid being discovered. That's not very conducive to having orgasms and expressing any joy now is it? Also you have been accustomed to a specific kind of stimulation from your hand and her vagina may not be giving you adequate sensation. Nothing wrong with reaching down and holding the base of your penis in order to come. Try experimenting with different things and see what happens.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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If you want to be able to

Fri, 09/10/2010 - 17:12
anon789 (not verified)

If you want to be able to come during intercourse, you need to train your dick to respond to subtler sensations. When you masturbate, masturbate using your non-dominant hand and use a looser grip. Try to vary your masturbation routine so that you aren't stuck on just one specific type of stimulation. Although Dr. Betty isn't fond of walking away frustrated, if you never again masturbate with a death grip and only use lighter stimulation, whether from your hand or from intercourse, eventually your dick will just give up and learn to come from less intense stimulation. This unfortunately means that you won't be having an orgasm during the next several times you have sex until your dick is re-trained. Don't finish yourself off by hand! And, yes, this is a very common problem that many men experience.

I agree with anon 789.

Betty Dodson's picture
Sat, 09/11/2010 - 09:11
Betty Dodson

Retraining your dick to respond to a subtler sensation is one way to go if you can handle not coming. Another thing men can try is using the Fleshlight sex toy that more closely resembles a woman's vagina. It's also a good training toy to help guys learn come control. Actually it's the same process for women who want to come from a more subtle form of clitoral stimulation. They must retire their vibrators. I'll admit I'm not in favor of foregoing orgasms just to "come" from my partners finger or tongue. But for those who desire this, a little frustration isn't such a big deal. Just remember, there will always be different strokes for different folks.

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