Dear Betty and Carlin,
I recently discovered your blog on youtube during my search for answers about my sexuality and became intrigued. I followed your videos to this site in hopes you could answer a question thats been on my mind for a while now. I am 21 years of age and would like to inquire about clitoral, vaginal and multiple orgasms.
First I would like to know, about clitoral orgasms. I have now been able to obtain a clitoral orgasm for sometime now. The problem Im facing is that my orgasm usually more often than not, aren't statisfying.
Its like the anticipation builds, and it feels like its going to feel amazing, but when the time "cums", I find that its less than gratifying. I don't know if its I'm becoming used to the way Im masturbating, or whatever, but its disheartening that masturbating isn't as gratifying as it use to be. I find that if I cum quicker, the orgasm is better than if I draw it out. I find if I draw it out too long, I can cum at all. Do you have any advice?
As for vaginal orgasms, I have never been able to orgasm with a partner. This is probably due to the fact I have never been able to reach a vaginal orgasms by my own means. I have practiced just like you have suggest, and it feels great, but I never can get over the edge. And when it comes to being with a partner, there really isn't much pleasure at all. Is there something I can do to help myself figure out how to obtain a vaginal orgasm so I can show my partner how to help me obtain one during sex?
Now for multiple orgasms. I know that women are capable of have multiple orgasms. But what Im wondering is, can they only be achieved through vaginal? Or can they be achieved through clitoral? If it is purely through vaginal, well then I must get vaginal orgasm down pat before I can begin the challenge of multiple. If it can be achieved through clitoral, Im wondering, how can I make this possible for me? I find that after I cum from clitoral stimulation, my clit is super sensitive and it hurts to stimulate it sexually afterwards. The refractory period is usually 20-30min before I can cum again. If multiple orgasms can be obtained through clitoral stimulation, can you explain how I can achieve this?
First let me say that an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm and there are a million ways to achieve one. Your clitoris is your primary sex organ and will respond to many different forms of stimulation. If your masturbation is getting stale, read my essay on "Upgrading Your Masturbation Technique" (use our search engine).
Vaginal orgasms are the most difficult to achieve and require many things to be in place like penis size and vaginal length, duration of intercourse, speed, rhythm and depth of vaginal thrusting and complete trust in your partner. Only a handful of women experience them consistently. I recommend stimulating your clitoris during vaginal intercourse the same as you do during masturbation.
Multiple Orgasms as far as I can tell, require some kind of buildup in between each orgasm. We often confuse the after shocks of pleasure that follow a big come as being multiple orgasms.
All of this is discussed in more detail in my book "Orgasms for Two." In order to do this you would need to shorten the time you call your refractory period. You have adopted the male pattern that says a man has to rest 20 to 30 minutes before going again. This is not true for all men and definitely not for women. So it would be a matter of pushing through those feelings of intensity by breathing and making sounds similar to what they teach in natural child birth. In the end, there is no such thing as having a wrong kind or orgasm. They're all good.