Can Only Orgasm With My Legs Crossed Rocking Back & Forth

Wed, 05/12/2010 - 08:37
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I'm 17 and I've been masturbating since a very young age. When I first started I would cross my legs tightly, and sort of rock back and forth. Sometimes I could have an orgasm in less than two minutes. The problem is, my boyfriend and I are getting serious, but I feel like sex won't be pleasurable for me, considering that my legs must be uncrossed in order to have sex.

I've tried to orgasm my rubbing my clit and doing the "rock and roll" method you mentioned in some of your podcasts, but every time I try I will end up doing it for usually a little over an hour before I give up. I have never had an orgasm with my legs uncrossed, and I fear that even if I can somehow find a way to have one, it will take me hours to achieve. What should I do?

Dear T,

I hear this a lot. You need to spend time practicing new masturbation techniques. It doesn't happen over night or within an hour. Go to "First Time Orgasm" and read it more than once. Then follow my simple step by step suggestions. When you are learning a new dance step or orgasm technique, you must be patient. You can always end with old faithful by crossing your legs to get off. For now, get to know your clitoris and how best to stimulate her. You have been using muscle tension only which is indirect clit stim. Time to upgrade your childhood masturbation skills.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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What also helps:

WildOrchid's picture
Wed, 05/12/2010 - 09:43

find something that really, really turns you on. If you provide more stimulation through your brain you'll need less in the physical department to get off.

I couldn't come siting, standing up or laying on my side. But when I have a fantasy that turns my vulva into wet throbbing mass everything is possible.

Don't get discouraged. Your body will figure everything out!

I have the same issue as T

Sun, 05/30/2010 - 16:31
Amira (not verified)

I have the same issue as T mentioned here, I'm a virgin and I masturbate alot, and the only way I know is with my legs crossed and just rocking myself, and as she mentioned also, I get it after a couple of minutes and I can't seem to get another one.
I was just wondering, since I'm keeping myself until marriage, will it be the same with my husband?
I hear that women can have multiple orgasms and that making love can last for an hour, when I can get an orgasm in just minutes and once...what should I do?

I do this too. Is it bad or

Mon, 06/28/2010 - 19:52
AnonymousGirl (not verified)

I do this too. Is it bad or unhealthy if I masturbate like this many times a day, every day? I am afraid that I will mess up my knee or other leg joints.

I also use this method. If

Mon, 06/28/2010 - 19:53
AnonymousGirl (not verified)

I also use this method. If I masturbate using this method multiple times a day, every day, is there a chance that I might strain my joints?

I've always had bad knees. 

BellaFigura's picture
Mon, 06/28/2010 - 22:47

I've always had bad knees.  So if you're worried about joint health, A good joint supplement is Glucosamine available in health food stores and many drug stores. 

When all else fails, follow

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 06/29/2010 - 10:27

When all else fails, follow directions! If all of your quick orgasms come in the same position with your legs crossed, sex with a partner will not give you an orgasm. You must gradually change the way you bring yourself to orgasm by altering the way you masturbate.
 

Our website is devoted to helping women and men to more fully enjoy a mutually orgasmic sex life. Take advantage of this. Read an article more than once. And most importantly, practice, practice, practice!

Same problem

Fri, 08/20/2010 - 01:36
Scarlet (not verified)

Omfg when I read this I thought wow finally someone else out there with the same issue! I've been doing the crossing legs thing since I was like 6 I know crazy right?!! And not only that I need to be on my right side! I totally thought I was some sort of freak!!! I have also tried many diff ways but none have worked!! I've been with my bf for like 7yrs now n he was a virgin when we first got together so I'm a bit more comfortable with him but I've yet come clean about this matter... Any of you girls have any luck!?? I feel so relieved that I'm not the only one!!

dear betty i masturbate with

Wed, 09/08/2010 - 11:06
huh (not verified)

dear betty
i masturbate with my legs crossed and have been doing this for quite some time now..is such a method of masturbating a hindrance in sexual activities with a partner?..if yes why and how can we change ways....i get turned on using a pillow or a soft toy however rubbing my clit with hands doesnt help..

Agree with scarlet

Tue, 11/16/2010 - 18:13
H (not verified)

Thank god... I am so happy to find this thread.. i thought i was the only one.. I too depend on the cross leg thing..and that also one one side... I had tried earlier methods earlier which never worked.. but this one, I kinda discovered by accident...!! and I have been trying other ways since then, they dont work...  :(
I really dont know if I will feel the same, better or worse when I have real sex.. I just hope it doesnt indicate something not healthy or normal....

A male perspective

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 18:00
AnonymousMan (not verified)

I'm a man and had vaguely heard or read somewhere that women could masturbate by crossing their legs in public(or not).

A women sitting next to me in class kept crossing her legs and would tap her foot over and over and at first I thought she may have had restless leg syndrome but for whatever reason I continued to peer over. At one point she would tap her foot and pulse her thighs really fast; then shift and almost jump out of her chair, then stop. After about her third orgasm I was 100% convinced that she was indeed masturbating right there next to me and just had an orgasm, I also had a minor orgasm at that point because it was a HUGE turn on for me. I continued to stare at her crotch and then she noticed that I was watching her. She did it more and with emphasis! Then we started starting at each other. All of this in the middle of a lecture.

For what its worth as a man I can say I don't feel there is anything wrong with a women who does this (duh!). I also looked around and realized no one else had noticed, a women was sitting next to her opposite. So my question is was she worried about being caught (apparently I caught her and she appeared to enjoy it)  or is this an uncommon thing/knowledge even among women? Thanks.

I love this technique!

Sat, 02/05/2011 - 14:27
SmilingDaffodil (not verified)

Although I can orgasm during sex or with other techniques, squeezing my legs together turns me on the most, especially as I can do it anywhere at any time.
I didn't even realise it was a form of masturbation until a few years ago: I used to do it when stressed or agitated, as it used to make me feel calm.
I used to do this in school, and still do it on a daily basis. I also did it whilst in an exam once, although I moaned a little loudly and pretty much everyone heard. It was a bit embarrassing, but also knowing people knew what I was doing turned me on even more.

ok i have a similar problem i

Sun, 04/10/2011 - 19:14
Anonymoussxxconverse (not verified)

ok i have a similar problem i can only orgasm with my legs stretched or laying down with my legs flat down its like i make myself cum even when i get eaten out also legs flat and stretched ive been doing this ever since i was 13 and i first masterbated and now ive never orgasmed through penetration si there something wrong with me?=(

A solution if you can only have orgasms by crossing your legs

Tue, 04/26/2011 - 16:41
Oh!nonymous (not verified)

Hi,
There is nothing wrong with you!
I had this problem to and for years I could not have an orgasm with a partner.  I stumbled on a solution and need to put it into words.  I considered starting a blog and maybe charging a small fee like 5.00 for the info. 
I need to find the courage to put the solution into words as it has been a life changer for me and it's really simple and has made a huge difference in my marraige too!
Do you think the answer would be worth $5.00 if it worked?  Just need your advice.. Thnks!
oh!nonymous
 

  I am in such shock to find

Sat, 05/28/2011 - 07:35
missmj (not verified)

  I am in such shock to find this thread. I truely thought i was the only one, and was always so scared to mention it to anyone. I am so relieved. I have been doing this technique since i was about 11 or so. I remember doing it during class, and i still do it to this day anytime I get turned on, no matter where I am. The only one i still cant pull off is while driving, lol. I cant believe other people do this too! I thought I was so odd. As alot of these other women mentioned, I could not have an orgasm any other way. Sex feels amazing, unbelievable at times. and this may sound weird, but I cum, excessively even, but in comparison to the intense orgasm I get from crossing my legs, it doesnt even feel like an ORGASM. But then i discovered another way when I got with my ex boyfriend about 6 yrs back. Now I had always been against anal sex, and didnt even want to try it. But after quite a long time of convincing, and a few hot and heavy situations, he talked me into it. Being that I hadnt done it, and wanted to control it, I got on top. And I'm trying to word this without sounding like I'm writing a porno lol.. I noticed as I rode him anally, that my clit was being rubbed as it does when you do the leg crossing. As soon as i started to feel that same sensation i just ran with it, and grinded into him as i would grind my legs together. And WOWOW!!! The most intense orgasm I have ever experienced. It happens just as quick, and as the others mentioned, I cant have another one for quite a while. But it is exactly the same feeling, in fact even more intense. The same method might work for other people with vaginal intercourse, but it hasnt with me, the angle just isnt right. I still cant believe that not only do others do this, and have the same problem as me, but that I might be letting some of you in on my little secret, and helping my fellow leg-crossers find another way! :D

READ this!! Useful tips.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 18:06
AnonymousLy (not verified)

Lie flat on top of your bfs body and have his penis inserted while doing that. Hold a piece of cloth in between your clit and penis.. Rock back n forth.. Have his hands caress your nipples while youre doing so.. (;

Was there...?

Tue, 11/01/2011 - 15:24
Crosser (not verified)

I have been doing this since I was about 6-7. I remember dropping the pencil, while doing homework... And after that, I just couldt stop. I could do it while sitting, and lying. But when my mother caught me, I got so imberriesed, that i showed her the methods, just to stop it all. But I couldt, though... Not by sitting. I stopped doing it when I lyed, which I actually regret now... But this is kind of both an curse and a bless, if you ask me... I got so addicted, that it kind of fucked up my class-time, homework-time, spare time, and so on... I couldn't control myself. Now I can. Even though, if I sit down to do it, and suppose to do something else, I think; once more, once more, once more, and I get kind of stuck in it. But since i'm older, it's a bit easier to control. But hey... Whas there any "danger" around this fenomen? Do anyone know?  I wonder how long i'll be "addicted". I'm 23 now... It would be fun to sit in a wheelchair in a oldpeopleplace, crossing my legs to have orgasm! -Actually, then it would (or will) be great to do it ;D

Unlikely to find other methods with similar intensity

Thu, 11/03/2011 - 12:43
Curious mind (not verified)

I can assume, that highly rewarded behavior trains user to specific neuronal patterning, especially considering the early age of starting.
It is also reasonably safe to assume, that possibility to train secondary orgasmic method is unlikely - the relevant pathways have formed during childhood (period of most active period of synapse formation and remodeling) and training time is a factor of remodeling speed in adult and the actual training time (years).
Most successful method should probably use the already trained pathway to induce strong reward and associate it with new type of behavior - use of crossed legs during other type of sex described above indicates possibility to use the reward (orgasm from crossed legs) to train new behavior.

Much needed help/ alternative!!!!!

Wed, 11/30/2011 - 00:30
Satanzjuliet88 (not verified)

I am very happy to find this thread. I've been doing the leg crossing for years and don't feel anything close to this intense feeling in any other way. Intercourse, fingering, or any kind of stimulation don't do it for me at alll!! I used to get so wet with my boyfriend when he would play with me during a heavy make out session the years I was a virign cuz I always assumed sex would be great. But when we got married and started having sex it was a huge disappointment. I don't feel anything remotely close to the buildup of a orgasm during intercourse like I do with leg crossing. I can have an orgasm in a minute when by myself but with my husband it doesn't even feel good and we tried everything! I really want intercourse to feel good as well as oral sex. I don't like being eaten out either. It isn't necessarily bad, I'm sort of indifferent towards it. It's very blehhh for me and thats not the reaction im going for. I really love my hubby and he tries so hard to make me feel good but it doesn't work. This started to weigh heavily on our marriage. I don't enjoy sex therefore I am never in the "mood".... I used to get wet 123 before... Now that I started having sex regularly and I know it's gona suck, even getting wet is a problem. I don't want sex to be something just for my husband, and now that I can't get off, I'm constantly aggravated. Please help me, I am desperAte for help!! What can we do? Btw just curious, but I cross my legs, left over right leg, and then I pull on my panties just enough to feel the pressure on my vagina and then I stretch out my crossed legs while doing that; I repeat this and pull harder and harder until I reach the mind blowing effect of a 30 second orgasm... That's the only way I can get off.. Not in shower, not while sitting... Just this way. Was just giving details to help u get the big picture... Am desperately waiting for ur responses! Thanks

Any long term habit will be difficult to change.

Betty Dodson's picture
Wed, 11/30/2011 - 09:44

However, I believe it can be done by retraining yourself. Spend at least 20 minutes or so a day several times a week practicing clitoral stimulation, then finishing with "old faithful so you still get the reward. No 30 second orgasm is likely to be mind blowing but simply a quick release much like a sneeze. Like the post above yours, this might take months to years. Go to "How to Orgasm" and follow the basic steps. Also make an effort to feel hopeful instead of desperate which doesn't easily translate into any form of pleasure.

Yours is the perfect example of the importance of childhood masturbation and why why it needs to be explained early in every childs life. Instead we act as if sexual feelings don't exist until we become teens and have a first crush on a boy or girl.

I feel your pain!

Mon, 02/27/2012 - 17:29
needhelp2 (not verified)

I've been orgasming this way ever since I was about 6. My husband too tries everything in his power to get me off, and I get immensly wet, but don't feel the same satisfaction that I get from a cross legged orgasm. I tried various positons, even told him how I like to masturbate and I tried crosslegged while he was in me, but it just didnt work.

I've read that I need to "retrain" myself.. but that's justs crazy.. hope there is a way to experience it both alone and with my man!

Sorry needhelp. You need to "retrain" yourself. Or wait for a

Betty Dodson's picture
Mon, 02/27/2012 - 20:15

magic pill that doesn't exist. Why are you being so stubborn and resistent to re-learning a new masturbation skill that could change your sexlife? You say you "needhelp" but refuse to embrace it when it's offered. Pity!

just because you "retrain"

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 07:20

yourself, does not mean you have to give up your "faithfull" technique.
think of it as a way to broaden your sexual menue. Wouldn't it be more fun to enjoy different things/techniques?

I have an idea that it's not

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 13:25
Elin A (not verified)

I have an idea that it's not necessarily just about upgrading your techniques. I often feel that with my legs wide, it's like my vulva isn't "gathered" for better word. It feels like, with my legs more together, all your sensitive places are closer together and the area in general is more relaxed. I can come either way, but the orgasms I have with legs not so much apart are better. 

Ok, I see how it might be annoying if it's the only way you can come, but I have to say I'm sceptic to the "learning to spread your legs" thing, and why it's enforced.
As I see it, liking close-legged or cross-legged orgasms better is only a problem because we insist we have to have sex in a way that doesn't concurr with the reality of our anatomy. And when it doesn't work, or the orgasms aren't as good, it's said that we need to work more on it! If society said the best way to have sex or masturbate is to stand on your head, would you force yourself to learn having an orgasm standing on your head, too?

That women can't have orgasms or good orgasms in any given position isn't just about technique, but anatomy too. Could it be possible that legs closer together is better for natural blood flow, maybe it enables the labia to naturally make contact with eachother and the clitoris, making an allover better orgasmic experience? 
You can try to learn other things, but if it still doesn't feel as good, just let it go and do what works for you!

Either way, you CAN have intercourse with crossed legs. You can ride the man with your legs crossed to the side or stand on all fours with your legs crossed. You can also lie on your back or side with knees up and to the side...

I seriously doubt it. Anyway,

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 13:27
Elin A (not verified)

I seriously doubt it. Anyway, if your knees and joints don't like it, they'll tell you.

opening up the possibilities

Wed, 02/29/2012 - 12:09

I've written several different things on this site about opening up the possibilities for having orgasms that differ from a tried-and-true method. 

Being Reponsible for my Own Pleasure (on my own crossed-leg masturbation method)
and

Operation Touch My Clit (on learning to enjoy direct clitoral stimulation)
and

Betty's Barbell: From Cool and Heavy to Slick and Hot (on learning to have an orgasm with my legs open)

Whatever your journey, I encourage taking one.  A journey, that is. Old reliable methods for getting to orgasm are fine, but the possibilities are truly endless.  And for me, I like to have a lot of options in my toolbelt.

lucky you...

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 06:56
Joelle (not verified)

gosh you're a lucky woman...
I'm a new beginner, I would love to do that coz I had that weird sensation Betty Dodson was talking about, when climbing the rope but I dunno how to reproduce it at home. Can you tell me how to do the squeezing legs stuff? Do I have to rock my hips or just hold them tight? Any tips?

OH MY GOD!!!!

Sun, 04/29/2012 - 11:14
Midori san! (not verified)

OMFG! I thought I was alone. Me too. I cross my legs tight when I masturbate... it feels like im about to pee but it's very stimulating to my clit. It makes me breathless till I cum. OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

my girlfriend does this

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 11:08
frustrated-_- (not verified)

this it the way my girlfriend is, she told me she has been doing it since a young age but the thing is shes not maturbating.. she just sits there and thinks about whatever it is and has to have her legs corssed to finish, she doesnt touch any of her areas when she does this. i havent been able to make her finish, the one time i almost did i was fingering her and she was trying to cross her legs and it was like crushing my hand and my fingers inside her and it was really difficult to move my fingers and was very unpleasant for me but i really want to pleasure her.. we havent had sex but we have used hands and mouths on eachother but when we do have sex i especially want her to enjoy it.. does anybody have advice for me? :/ 
but to be honest, her crossing her legs and squeezing very tight was kind of a turn on cause it was like she was expressing her pleasure a lot more than laying there moaning.. cause she said it felt good but she just couldnt finish. but there are lottts of other things that can turn a guy on so i would rather do without this. so id really appreciate all the help i can get, thanks.

Go to the Ask Dr. Betty section to ask questions.

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 06/08/2012 - 16:34

Check the left hand column on the front page of the website.

I do find it hard to orient

Sat, 06/09/2012 - 04:35
Elin A (not verified)

I do find it hard to orient myself by the topic list to the left. But if you put in "crossing legs" in the search engine and the topic will come up. Betty teaches that she needs to learn to masturbate with her hands or a vibrator first and than move on to learning to do that with a partner.

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