My Sexual (R)evolution

I'm releasing my memoir as an ebook for the holidays.  Here's the foreword:

As a little girl, I dreamed of becoming a famous artist. Throughout those early years into adulthood, my search for artistic expression was supported by my family, friends and society at large. Everyone approved of art and creative artists were greatly admired. Years later, when I began to search for new creative forms of sexual expression, only a handful of people understood. Most warned me against taking this path. It wasn't fair I reasoned; if a man could have many lovers and sexual adventures, why not a woman? Most people said I'd be socially ostracized or labeled a "slut" or "whore" if I went beyond serial monogamy. That made me more determined than ever to explore my sexual options. Five years of formal art training had taught me well: The creative process was about defying convention to seek my own vision. It seemed reasonable that I would learn about sex the same way- I'd defy convention and seek my own vision through a variety of sexual experiences.

At the age of 36, I was recently divorced with a modest settlement that would pay the bills for a year. I'd started taking Yoga classes, eating better food and I'd stopped drinking alcohol which gave me more control over my life. Single, sober and solvent, it was the perfect time to challenge society's insistence that all women practice serial monogamy. However, once I gave myself permission to have sex with whomever I pleased, I realized I was in way over my head. Each new casual encounter became a highly charged political act as well as a personal struggle to break free from the sexual double standard: the tacit agreement that men have social approval to enjoy multiple partners while women are expected to have sex with only one man at a time- the fewer the better for her reputation.

One of the first problems I encountered was how difficult it was for me to have an orgasm with casual sex. Even after I'd learned to combine direct clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration, most of the guys I dated couldn't accept a woman doing her own clitoris during intercourse. They all felt it was their responsibility to give me an orgasm. Or maybe it was male privilege that dictated their right to control my sexual responses. They either pushed my hand away or complained that I was using them like a dildo. The fact that men had been masturbating inside women's vaginas for centuries didn't seem to register because that was "normal sex." He had his orgasm but she seldom got hers. In a world dominated by vaginal orgasms, claiming the clitoris as my primary sex organ back in 1966 was a "Big Fucking Deal!" For many women, it remains a BFD to this day.

One pivotal weekend, I finally had an orgasm with a man I liked rather than loved. Without asking permission or further discussion, I simply climbed on top in my favorite "Cowgirl" position and ran the fuck. There were no complaints from the cute co-operative man beneath me. Soon after that, I joined with other open-minded people to embrace America's sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies. Cowgirl got me through ten years of casual sex with men at sex parties which also included straight women connecting with other women sexually, the emergence of my bisexuality.

Just as I had explored the exquisite shapes and forms of the human body, I began to explore the infinite varieties of sexual pleasure on my own terms at a time when casual sex with men and women was relatively safe from all the STD's today that are used to scare people back into conformity. I feel blessed that I was able to take advantage of America's Sexual Revolution.

These new experiences with sexual pleasure fed directly into my art. In 1968, I left the last traces of my Kansas Bible Belt morality behind when I became the first woman to have an exhibition of erotic art in a Madison Avenue gallery in New York City. The Love Picture Exhibition had large charcoal pencil drawings of heterosexual lovers. It was a financial success and most of the art sold. Over night, I had access to the social elite who often adopted young promising artists. Another pivotal moment occurred when I asked myself, "Do I want to continue hanging out with the wealthy jet setters and marry a rich man? Or do I get involved with the women's movement and change the world?"

That question was answered in 1970 when I had a second exhibition that consisted of four six-foot drawings of classical nudes masturbating. Two were of women and the other two were men. All of them were peacefully giving themselves an orgasm through self-stimulation. Only two of the drawings were hung but the exhibition resulted in a media blackout, nothing sold, and it ended my gallery affiliation. The responses to the drawing of a woman masturbating with an electric vibrator made it apparent that I'd uncovered the biggest sexual taboo to date: a woman having sex with an electric appliance! One angry man assured me that no woman would ever have to use a "damn machine" if she was with him! Another man accused me of being in league with the devil. Women were intrigued but most of them were convinced they'd get addicted if they ever used a vibrator. After observing people's responses to my masturbating nudes, I concluded that the repression of masturbation was indeed the bottom line of women's sexual repression!

Aware of my own recent struggle to be orgasmic with casual partnersex and observing the many women faking orgasms at sex parties plus listening to people's questions during both shows, I was ready to become a card carrying feminist. Women's lack of orgasm was a serious problem. Following two years of attending CR Groups, feminism's grassroots movement of consciousness raising, I set up my own consciousness raising group based on sex. I didn't have to have a degree or be a sex therapist. I simply got the women together and created a design were we could share sex information, examine our vulvas, locate our clitorises, and learn about different masturbation skills. That was 1973, the beginning of what would be my longest running work of art- the Bodysex Groups lasted twenty-four years. They were my Sistine Chapel.

Today we are still told that sexual expression should only take place between a man and a woman who are in a loving committed monogamous marriage that includes raising a family. Sex for the sake of pleasure continues to be condemned by many organized religions and conservative governments. These restrictions are used to control and manipulate a large population of people through sexual guilt. We all end up sinners because no one succeeds in going against a sexual impulse that is natural in all humans, animals and plants. In other words, sex is the basis for all of life and is as natural as the need for food, shelter and the affectionate touch of a mother.

I believe the next phase of sexual enlightenment will happen when women are no longer financially dependent on men. That's when everyone's sexual options will become much broader. Women will ask themselves: "What do I want in my life beyond falling in love, getting married, giving birth, buying a house and setting up a retirement plan?" Some women will choose to do exactly that and be fulfilled. Others will want both family and career. A few will chose to remain single, while others will have multiple marriages. The entirety of a women's sexlife will no longer be restricted to one person for a lifetime or to one person at a time.

We need to face the sexual truth that today, most men have careers, fall in love, get married and support children along with other forms of pleasures such as phone sex, cyber sex, strip clubs, lap dancing, enjoying the occasional prostitute, and even having a mistress like a second wife. It's time women level the pleasure field by enjoying a little sexual variety on our own terms. That's when women and men will be free to consciously design their sexlives like a living work of art. However, in order to liberate the human spirit we must return sexual pleasure to its rightful place- to the individual.

The first step is universal acceptance of masturbation across the board. Self-sexuality will be seen as our first natural sexual activity, a healthy form of erotic expression throughout our lifetimes. We are sexual from the womb to the tomb. Once that's established, then we can look at the exciting and challenging aspects of "sexual choices." In order to choose how we want to express ourselves sexually, we will need a new kind of sex education that will teach sexual skills that can be learned and practiced the same as any other art form beginning with masturbation.

Today, touching our sex organs solely for the sake of pleasure remains an area of conflict. Maybe it's not as subversive as in the past, but masturbation is still condemned by many organized religions. We can't teach masturbation skills to young people when they most need it and many adults don't have a clue as to how to pleasure themselves. In the 1800's the scandalous suffragette Victoria Woodhull called sex for pleasure "free love." In the seventies we called it "casual sex." Gay men call it "sport fucking." The younger set today calls it "friends with benefits." Tomorrow, who knows what we'll call it, but enjoying sex for the sheer pleasure of it will endure, including our constant companion- sex with ourselves. We can rest assured that no matter where the sexual pendulum swings, sexual pleasure will ultimately triumph. But first we must prevent men in power from destroying Mother Earth through wanton corporate greed.

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