After hearing countless sex histories from girls and women over the past four decades, I believe sexual repression begins the moment a parent or caregiver punishes a child’s natural curiosity for touching their own sex organs.
Society needs to understand that the health of each person’s sexlife rests upon childhood masturbation— the foundation upon which all of human sexuality is based. It’s very consistent that each client I see struggling with orgasms as an adult has no memory of masturbating in childhood or in their teens. The absence of this natural self-exploration interferes with the development of nerve pathways that carry positive sensations from our genitals to the pleasure center in the brain. This blocks or slows down the development of sexual release with orgasm.
Over the years, one frequently asked question comes from women and a few men who are unable to incorporate their current method of masturbation into partnersex.
Many have carried the same pattern of childhood masturbation over into adulthood and it's now the only way they can get off. Some are stimulating their genitals with one or both hands pressed between legs that are tightly squeezed together while lying face down on their tummies- not conducive to sharing orgasms with another person. Others are humping folded blankets, wooden floors, riding the arm of an overstuffed chair or pressing against hard counter tops.
I'm a healthy, straight 18-year-old boy who became (sporadically) sexually active this year. I had my cherry popped by a girl well-versed in the art of orgasm, but despite her best efforts I never felt much more than a light tickling sensation in my penis during our time together. The same has been true with one other partner--despite relaxing to the greatest possible extent, I haven't felt anything close to an orgasmic sensation or ejaculated.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I love this website but am greatly saddened by a glaring oversight regarding sexual abuse. It isn’t even among the “topics” section... I understand it’s an uncomfortable, painful topic that might seem rather “anticlimactic” (couldn’t resist!) to the whole discussion on orgasms. Still, we need to start realizing that sexual abuse, however long ago incident(s) might have occurred, they have a profound. PROFOUND! effect on our psychological well being, and as such can have incredibly far reaching affects on our general health - mentally, physically, and yes, even spiritually.
Today was my second time actually climaxing (I think). I had asked you about it before and you told me to explore my body, which I did. I found out that the only way (so far) that I can climax is through clit stimulation. Both of the times I have had to watch porn and it does take me a little while. The thing is that I can feel when I'm about to climax, and it's great. But the actual climax is a bit odd.
I'm not sure if it's meant to be like this or if it's not actually the climax and I haven't finished yet. What happens is I rub my clit and then all of a sudden it gets really sensitive and I can't touch it anymore.
I am still so happy because I have finally figured out what works for me, but at the same time I just can't tell if that is the climax or not.
Hi Dr. Betty,
I'm so glad I found your website - I know if anyone will finally understand and be able to help me it is you!
I consider myself a person with a very healthy sexual appetite and enjoy sex with my partner of 6 years (although its very infrequent - long story, he works in another country.) However, even though I enjoy being intimate with him, whenever he penetrates me, I have some discomfort. It almost feels like he is bumping something - my partner is of a good size, but I have had this problem with men before him (although I don't remember if I had these sensations of discomfort with "not so well-endowed men) and I recently felt this discomfort while inserting a tampon too!
I can't wait to see Dirty Wars by Jeremy Scahill with Richard Rowly filming with his camera. These two men are truly hero's that are dishing out some terrible truths about the US and dedication to war especially our secret Drone war where Obama makes his grocery list of hits.
My favorite line, "America knows war. They are war masters."
Hi betty ,
I'm a young 18 year old male who needs to know if my sexual prefrence is a problem. I seem to ne very attracted to older women. It's basically the the cub cougar concept . For some reason older women just seem to attract me alot, but you rarely see a young man with a women who has quite a few years on him together. I would really appreciate if you could make a video on this topic because I belive that it would be a good topic to discuss.
Also is it a problem that girls around my age don't turn me on but older women do ? - thankyou and have a great day
Dear Dr. Dodson,
I am very passionate about the topic of male circumcision. I was persuaded to be circumcised for hygienic reasons after reaching sexual maturity. Probably due to the doctor's own ignorance I was never told of the consequences of this procedure. I learned on my own that the procedure has been detrimental to my ability to be sexually stimulated and therefore experience sexual pleasure. I have been long-suffering in demoralized at having lost a significant part of my sexual ability.
I am in a loving and beautiful and sexy marriage with an incredible man who also happens to have a physical disability. He uses a wheelchair and cannot walk, but he has full sensation in his body with the ability to get erect and cum like any other able-bodied man. We are very passionate about each other, but because of his physical limitations, our sex (intercourse) has become repetitive.
There are only two positions that are possible for us. I want to infuse some excitement into our sex life. We do a lot of foreplay, which is great, but I was wondering if you can point me in the direction of some resources where we can learn how to take our intercourse to the next level.
Hi Dr. Betty,
As I write to you with tears in my eyes I realize that my sexuality and my urge to be sexual has gone EXTREMELY down. If I would have seen how I am now compared to a year ago, masturbating everyday and being orgasmic, I'd be disappointed. Let me put it this way: Lent fucked me over. Now being not very religious my boyfriend and I wanted to refrain from sexual activity for as long as we could to build up the desire again and be more intimate with each other. Over the course of those 40 days the desire was built up immensely and I am grateful that it did allow us to be intimate. However, when day 41 came I was not surprised by the fact that I did not orgasm. I was thinking "okay well it'll be next time or I just have to get back into it."
I have what might be considered a weird experience growing up but I can't get a straight answer from the few friends I've asked. Some will think it is gross. My penis is a generous length and because I was also an early bloomer, there was a period of time I could easily reach it with my mouth. Not so now that I'm older as my body is in better proportion. Needless to say, I used to suck myself off a lot during puberty and got very good at oral because of it. I used to masturbate with an older friend. Just the normal play and mutual exploration stuff.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I consider myself to have developed into quite a liberal minded person through a number of life experiences.
I have a very sweet male friend who is polyamorous and we have shared an intellectual connection for a while now. For some time I have thought that monogamy could be the only way for me, because I felt like I had been genetically programmed to pair bond with someone, and I shared these thoughts with him.
Every time a thought comes up as to what I’ll say when the time comes, I know to simply ignore it. I cannot prepare nor have an outline for any presentation. If I make an effort to do so, you can rest assured I’ll completely blow it. My approach is to wait and see what happens and trust that I’ll be fine.
This was my mind set when Carlin and I headed to Philly to testify about the disgusting government law called 2257, the requirement that all X-rated porn companies must comply with or spend 5 years in jail plus pay a hefty fine.
Dear Dr. Betty and Carlin,
It is so odd for me to write you after, what seems to me, a long friendship! I found your website years ago, when I first started masturbating. I do ultimately have a question for you regarding a sexual partner, however, I would love to take the opportunity to thank you, from the bottom of my vulva!