After hearing countless sex histories from girls and women over the past four decades, I believe sexual repression begins the moment a parent or caregiver punishes a child’s natural curiosity for touching their own sex organs.
Society needs to understand that the health of each person’s sexlife rests upon childhood masturbation— the foundation upon which all of human sexuality is based. It’s very consistent that each client I see struggling with orgasms as an adult has no memory of masturbating in childhood or in their teens. The absence of this natural self-exploration interferes with the development of nerve pathways that carry positive sensations from our genitals to the pleasure center in the brain. This blocks or slows down the development of sexual release with orgasm.
Over the years, one frequently asked question comes from women and a few men who are unable to incorporate their current method of masturbation into partnersex.
Many have carried the same pattern of childhood masturbation over into adulthood and it's now the only way they can get off. Some are stimulating their genitals with one or both hands pressed between legs that are tightly squeezed together while lying face down on their tummies- not conducive to sharing orgasms with another person. Others are humping folded blankets, wooden floors, riding the arm of an overstuffed chair or pressing against hard counter tops.
Hi I'm a 16 year old girl and around 8 months ago I went on the pill dianette to try to control my acne. I was a little bit apprehensive because I'd heard that it can be a dangerous pill, but I thought that it would be worth it to clear my skin.
But I got a lot more than I bargained for because the side effects I experienced seem to have been very unusual. I got very very low and depressed about my self. Every day I just felt feelings of self loathing and I used to worry a lot about the way my body looks,especially my labia which I thought was way too big (I now understand how ridiculous that is).
Hi Dr. Betty,
I'm a 28 year old female and to get right to the point I have very little feeling "down there". I can sit and fondue and finger myself for hours and feel as calm as I would watching golf. Even when applying pressure to my clitoris or internally to what i think is my gspot. Nothing. I can have and have had two types of orgasms. One with a powerful vibrator directly in my clitoris. I own the hitachi and have to use it on high and even then sometimes it's hit or miss. The second way was with a partner who was fingering me quite roughly and actually caused me to "squirt" or in these three cases flood.
I realize that you are of the opinion that taking a while to orgasm during masturbation is a great and wonderful thing, but when it takes me 45 minutes to an hour to come, I get frustrated. Sometimes I don't want to spend that much of my day petting my kitty. I have a life that is (sadly) not dedicated to hour long self-sexing sessions.
The orgasms themselves are magnificent, they just take too long to happen. I'm perfectly willing to spend a few hours a week having at myself, but there are times I'd like be quicker about it. I was just wondering if you had any advice for an orgasmer on the go?
I had many good times at Sandstone - a consensual sex club and nudist community on the West Coast in the early 1970s.
Nudity means that we are who we are. Otherwise, we're in costume playing a role. Everything was so civilized and relaxed and open at Sandstone. I will forever admire the founders of Sandstone, John and Barbara Williamson for their vision of a sexually open society.
I am 22 years old and a virgin. I currently have to go to the GYN because I'm on oral contraceptives for my acne and horrible menstrual cycles (heavy heavy bleeding, major cramps, etc.. I missed a lot of school before I started) and they say I have to get pelvic exams every so often in order to continue on my birth control.
When the GYN inserts the speculum, the pain is almost unbearable, to the point where I'm usually in tears. I also bleed fairly heavily afterwards as well.
Is this normal? My GYN has never commented on it. Any idea how often I'm actually supposed to go in for a pelvic exam when I'm not sexually active? Every MD I talk to tells me a different time frame. I have an appointment next week and I'm getting very nervous for it.
Not many New York women know that it's completely and totally legal to go topless anywhere & anytime as long as it's for a "non-commercial" purpose. You can't charge people to look at your breasts. We owe this privilege to the tireless efforts of performance artist and photographer Holly Van Voast (pictured left).
She's been arrested numerous times for bearing her breasts in public (she went topless at Hooters, a public park and in front of a public school). This year the NYPD is training their officers that they can't arrest women solely for going topless (they can arrest you if your simulating sex or masturbating while topless).
I am in a loving and beautiful and sexy marriage with an incredible man who also happens to have a physical disability. He uses a wheelchair and cannot walk, but he has full sensation in his body with the ability to get erect and cum like any other able-bodied man. We are very passionate about each other, but because of his physical limitations, our sex (intercourse) has become repetitive. There are only two positions that are possible for us.
I want to infuse some excitement into our sex life. We do a lot of foreplay, which is great, but I was wondering if you can point me in the direction of some resources where we can learn how to take our intercourse to the next level.
I have noticed that the first few times I'm with a new person we spend A LOT of time being sexy together. Like hours in a row. This seems normal because we're getting to know each other's bodies and it's super exciting. But if this new-sexy-getting-to-know-each-other-for-hours-night involves hours of different types of vaginal fingering or other penetration it always means my vagina and vulva are sore for the next day or couple of days.
I'm a 23 year old girl and it's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years. A month ago I met this super cute guy and since we both weren't looking for anything serious, we ended up fucking. Since then, we have had sex about six times. Every time we've gotten intimate though, I have had a hard time getting wet as well as reaching orgasm. When I was with my boyfriend, I would constantly be soaking wet around him as well as when we would get intimate since I was so attracted to him.
I have a new partner who has an significantly upward curved penis and I dont know how to perform oral sex.
He is a very attentive and pleasing partner. As we have only had sex a couple of times and are working through another issue, I am reluctant to talk to him about this ... yet although I agree that communication is key (and we do but I dont want to discuss this yet from concern that it may impact on another issue we are working through (ED!)).
Lately I’ve been getting men requesting sex coaching sessions similar to the work I do with women. While I believe this kind of sex training would make a big difference for them and their partners, private hands-on sessions with a man is called “prostitution” by our government.
Unfortunately, this remains illegal although it’s a victimless crime. Even a woman doing erotic massage is flirting with John Law. You can thank our puritanical government filled with lying, phony Christians, Mormons and Jews who consistently get caught “cheating” but end up redeemed after a round of public humiliation and they promise to seek professional help.
Hello Dr Betty,
I have a bit of a sprawling question, and I'm hoping you can help. I am in my late 20s, female, and have been sexually active for a long time.
My problem is that for the past 6 months, during sex and intimate contact with my current partner, I have been getting panic attacks and absolute loss of confidence. The episodes are sudden and unpredictable, one day I may be comfortable and happy to give a blowjob, the next day I might feel like I don't know how to even begin and the idea freaks me out entirely! It is playing havoc with my confidence levels and the last few times its happened I've ended up sobbing because I feel so annoyed and stupid and at the same time filled with fear.
After reading one of your ebooks "learn how to orgasm", I followed the instructions and got my first orgasm ever with masturbation at the age of 38 (a year ago)! I was completely shocked, I thought I was frigid and did not believe that masturbation can make me orgasm (before, the only orgasms I experienced was with clitoral toys in my 30's).
I recently started watching porn (I like watching public sex, or getting tied up...something you are not supposed to do). And if I like the porn I can manually masturbate and orgasm in minutes!