The thought that made me realize I'd decided to write about my situation and share it with the world on “Dodson & Ross”, was unexpected after months of inner refusal, resistance, and doubt. In short, fear.
“If there is not going to be a partnersex life for me, I might as well write about its absence and have at least one joy.”
It isn't that I feel the need to unburden myself by writing about it, although I'm open to the possibility of some form of catharsis. I have been living with my virginity for decades. Most women had their first-time vaginal penetration sex with a man in their teens. From that time onward, the big “it” gradually transformed into a taboo when I reached the age of 30 and beyond.
Magenta: Why did you create the Shiva Men’s Group last year in Amsterdam?
Rakesh: The reason is that I wanted to provide an aid for the men who took part in the Tantric Dance (™) workshops, which Marcia - Marcia Sanders is my beloved and partner in our “Art of Loving” - and I give. Because I noticed men were having difficulties with dancing from their own strength, center, or masculine energy, while dancing with a woman. I felt, “I need to fill this gap, this hole.”
I noticed also they were trying to please the woman, trying to do it right, and not making their dance from their own energy or their own feeling. They were searching for something and struggling with it.
There is a service rendered that has no official name or recognition but exists by the very person who provides it. I name this woman or man a "Lover's Touch Substitute." A service bestowed is touch for comfort.
Not many people will admit to themselves or to others they are in need of a Lover's Touch Substitute when they, for example have a professional massage for relaxation purposes. I wanted something different. I realized I needed the comfort of a male's chest covering my back. An unexpected image of a static massage was the point of the needle of realization: touch without sexual implication which prompted me to take action. However, it began as a wish to experience a body massage.