It's been a long time since I posted here. Much has changed. In the past year I've gone from contemplating and attempting suicide to finally finding someone and starting a relationship. For those of you who've read my posts it's even more of a dramatic shift.
I think my attempt in January freed me from trying and failing to fulfill other people's (mainly my parents) expectations about my life. Those standards, that I couldn't live up to, led me to prepare my attempt. I've never been suicidal in the sense of not wanting to live. Before my attempt I've cried numerous times for things I thought I'd never get to experience. I didn't want to kill myself. I also couldn't imagine any other acceptable solution to my situation.
Last winter's medical problems left me with facial scaring. I've been putting off writing this post, trying to avoid this issue. Now, as I am beginning, my eyes are already getting wet. I'm usually quick to cry and it usually feels very cathartic. I am hoping that this post will help me examine my feelings, accept them and move on instead of constantly repeating the mantra of 'it will get better". It will get better - most scars do, but I can't put my life on hold till it does.
May has ended and here I am, reading my notes, remembering all the exciting things and writing a recap that’s a couple of days overdue. Much has changed, I got some new toys and (spoiler, spoiler) my pussy was touched by someone other than myself.
Update 10 Tuesday
A couple of years ago I’ve heard about “The 30-Day Sex Challenge” and thought BS. Compulsory vaginal penetration every day of the week, no mater if you feel good or are sick, if you want to express your love or would rather break something after your last fight is not something I would agree to. How come I’m starting this month with “31-Days Self-Pleasure Challenge”?
Lack of privacy, spending hours surfing the net and accomplishing nothing (not having a great time either), significant reduction in the quality of my solitary sex life – those are the main reasons. The other one is that unlike in the original challenge here I have to only factor in myself and the most exciting thing: almost anything goes.
So, what are the rules?
It’s been years since we’ve first seen a rabbit vibrator appear in one of the early episodes of the Sex in the City. Since then this type if the sex toy has made quite the career. Provoked by a piece by Emily Nagoski, whom I admire, I decided to examine if it is really deserved. What’s better to have: a rabbit or a dildo and a clit vibe? What’s better for a novice?
My body doesn’t cease to amaze me. After what happened last night everything seems possible.
Remember those nightly masturbation sessions I’ve mentioned in my summary of the nine years of having orgasms and how I whined that I’ve missed them? Well I was horny/nervous last night. I had two handmade orgasms but I was still not sleepy and it was going on 3 AM.
So I whipped out my glass dildo and tried to insert it (note to self: never mistake being hot and sweaty for being lubricated). It stung going in but after some time I’ve managed to get a rhythm. I added a clit vibe and trying not to move too much less I shake the bed, got off. The orgasm was difficult to achieve and pathetic when compared to those two from earlier.
My sister studies radiology and I can't wait for her to get home to show her this!
I've already blogged about my first orgasm and how it happened. Now that I'm going into my tenth year of being an orgasmic woman (it's four days past the anniversary) I look back on my journey.
Read on to find out. Your breasts will thank you.
Normally after developing breasts a girl goes to a lingerie store, picks a bra in the color she likes and buys it. Size is not very important to her. Her small perky boobs will mean she choses something with an A in the size. If she has "average" chest she will pick 34C or 34B. If she has big boobs she will probably end up with 36C or 36D. Because DD is SO large that only porn stars and strippers wear it ;)
My first orgasm is one of my favorite topics to write about. I still haven't decided if it happened by accident or if I subconsciously planned it. Or maybe an Orgasm Fairy cast an enlightenment spell on me.
It was a quiet winter night three days after Christmas. My almost 14 year old self was lying in bed unable to fall asleep. As I did a couple of times before, I quietly went to my sister's desk and stole a pen she no longer used. I went back to bed, lay down on my stomach and (probably after wetting it in saliva) inserted the smooth end of the pen inside my ass.
For the women with larger breasts looking for the perfect fit...
My parents decided to become asexuals. I know it's impossible by definition - you don't choose who you are attracted to ergo you don't choose your sexual orientation.
But you can force yourself to behave in a certain way. People do it all the time - we don't sleep with everyone we're attracted to just the ones we select. And we can, of course, force ourselves to perform sex acts that leave us cold. Since we moved out of the capital and into my dad's hometown - which was about 20 years ago - my parents' sex live died. And, since they don't need sex, they can't understand how anybody else could need their own sex life.
In the past I used pads almost exclusively. Tampons were inserted when I had swimming lessons or when I wanted to masturbate and was afraid I'll stain the sheets (I've used a tampon less than 10 times).
During previous cycle I visited my grand mum - she lives in the other part of my town. I forgot to take extra pads and flooded everything. I had to stuff cotton wool inside a borrowed pair of panties to go to the nearest shop and buy some protection. I got angry. I decided that I may as well try the cup since I've been wondering about it for the past few months.
My only concern was that I wouldn't be able to use it because my vagina isn't comfortable with penetration 90% of the time.